Reality check

It's easy to be wrapped up in my head and forget certain things. I live in my head quite a bit, as it is. But it's nice to have a reminder that I'm actually living my dream.

Red Dirt Romance Book Event was an event for the ages. OKRWG simply puts on one of the best book conferences of the year, and it continues to grow.

I listened to Jill Monroe and Gena Showalter give a presentation about characters. I heard agents speak on the ins and outs of submitting and accepting book offers. I listened to authors talk about their journeys and remind me of why I started.

And the book signing?

I love all of you. From those who simply wanted a signature to those who bought three of the five titles I offered. Every minute I spent talking to readers and other authors is nearly sacred. These are my people. Will always be my people. And I'm so incredibly grateful for every experience allowing me to connect like this did.

I leave you with these two pictures from a wonderful reader, Amber. (I remember her well, as that is my sister's name.) This is her book haul, and you'll see my Contemporary Romance title, "Over Her Head." That is wonderful enough. But look at the company my book is keeping.

It's rubbing spines with authors like Candice Gilmer, Avery Kingston, Lauren Smith, and yes...!!! 🥳

...THE Gena Showalter.

Forever grateful for the readers and opportunities. 😌

It's 8:30 am, and I'm already eating chocolate

I love book conferences. There is, however, that eternal nagging feeling I'm missing something in my packing frenzy.

Books? Cart to transport? Laminated sheets with prices and info? Business cards? Tape? Scissors? Sharpies? 

???

I'll be signing books today from 2-5 at the Red Dirt Romance Book Event. I love chatting with readers and fellow authors. There is literally nothing that comes close to being around likeminded people who love to chat about the written/spoken word.

I attended sessions yesterday, and it always fires me up to hear authors talk about their journey and experiences. 

However, the seats are unforgiving, and I'm almost paralyzed today. I even turned the seats around so I could lean into them-forward.

My spine is pissed.

Thank you, Fibro, you whore.

I'm skipping the morning sessions because doing 5 hours at my table will probably be all I can handle, at this point. Honestly? It'll probably damn near kill me. Going to bring a lumbar pillow to see if that helps.

Hope your Saturday is a good one.

Wish me well!

Slowly but surely

The other day I Googled how to clean blood off of steel. I'm not remotely ALL the way back, but it was a first step.

I see other writers zipping ahead with upcoming releases, and I'm happy for them. Because that feeling is AH-mazing. I haven't finished anything this year.

Yet.

Stings a bit, yeah. 

Okay...more like I whacked a wasp nest and am standing at ground zero. 

It's hard to come to terms with limits. But this year has felt like hitting a wall every time I turn around. And it's a right bitch.

Physically? My body is a shitshow. Fibro flares. My right arm? Oooooooo....she is not nice. Daily. Nerve zaps from here to there. Yada.

Mentally? Have I MENTIONED we're playing with mood stabilizers and ADHD meds? Which has spun me into a depression I heretofore have not felt in years? HAVE I? 😶

Sure I have. 😬

But life continues. I'm still supposed to roll out of bed and live my life as though everything is honky-dory. Because masking works for other people. It's cool to be depressed as fuck as long as I don't rain on anyone's parade. As long as I laugh when I'm supposed to and pretend I'm not dying inside. 

Been there. Done that. 

I'm clawing my way back. I think, MAYBE, the new mood stabilizer might be working. I start the full dosage Wednesday, and I hope I can turn a little corner. A baby corner, if you will. 

And maybe I can find my Muse again. I used to kid Simba was my Muse, as his little furry ass kept me company in my office. But all I have are his ashes now, and that's a kick in the balls on the daily. 

Rough year, innit?

Red Dirt Romance Book Event

Red Dirt Romance Book Event

I'll be here with half-price books on two or three titles. Cleaning out inventory to make room for more! 💖

RDR Book Event is an 18+ romance book signing event that takes place the last day of the RomanceLahoma conferene.

Where: Embassy Suites by Hilton Downtown Medical Center

When: August 2nd

Time: 2-5pm, Registration Required, No walk-ins

Six steps for the perfect burnout

Turning the traction control off! ...

Putting in first gear, left foot on the clutch. ...

Roaring the engine and putting enough pressure on the throttle, so the tachometer hits around 3000 to 3500 RPM.

Releasing the clutch which gets the tires spinning.

Pushing the break immediately!

*****************************************

Not to brag, but I only needed like three steps. 

And I'm spinning my wheels right now over 10,000 rpm and going nowhere, so be jelly. 😌

Writing ideas, and continuations, come in fits and starts, but I feel paralyzed. 

Simba's loss is an open wound. Briefly thought about opening up to another feline. Promptly shut that down. Way too soon. Way way too soon.

My Executive Dysfunction is Top Tier. 

Body Flares? Oh, they are star-spangled, let me tell you. My chronic pain starts at a 5, daily. It's been popping at a 8/9 for around a week or so. Makes me ponder, once again, about pain management. But I fear that once I'm in, I'm literally never out. Scares the shit out of me. But I can't take this daily. It hurts to everything. 😠😖

I did decide, in the abyss of trying to find an app to help me...(we often reach for odd things when we're sinking)...to try "Finch." Let me know if you also are on this interesting bird app, we can be featherheads together!

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

I may also suck at this and leave my wee pink Strawberry hatched and homeless. 😬

But we all hope not. 😑

And this country???

OH

MY

FUCK

😡😭

You know.

That's me. Bothered. Unmoisturized. Swerving from lane to lane. Burnt right the fuck up and out.

With TWO Book Conferences in August!

Good news there being I think I'm going to half price three of my titles.

😄😘

Back to dust moting...

Why am I like this?

You'll never guess what happened last night as I was trying to drift off to sleep. Never ever. Never. 

*ahem*

ANOTHER book idea. 😒

Dear. Lordt.

Good news? My creativity has decided to make a guest appearance.

Bad news? Um...I already have at least three projects...*snort* AT LEAST...to work on.

But am I completely enamored with this idea? Fuck yes, of course I am. 😑

Great premise. Awesome characters. 💃💃💃🖕

The timing is exquisite, right? With all this free time and nothing else to do. 😶😂

So here I am this morning. Sitting at my desk. Fans on high because Oklahoma is trying to bake me. Brain actually firing on the creative side. Water at the ready. And...unsure of what to do.

Start on ANOTHER effing book??? Because I know I could easily bang out at least 4,000 words on it today?

Or work on "Out of the Shadows" which may or may not work out, depending on if I can get in the groove on it or not? 

This some bullshit.

Wish me luck. Just going to throw myself in a trench and see where I land.

Did I mention I have TWO book conferences in August???

I'm a hazard to myself.

*******

No ducks here

People are all about the saying...having their ducks in a row. 

That's cool. For them.

I have no ducks. There are no ducks here. If I had ducks, I would be petting them and oh-so-unconcerned about them lining up in a row.

And little known fact, I DID have a duck once. He was a mallard. Named him Drake. 🦆 Oh, but he was a sweet boy. Got him as a wee duckling. He was being picked on by the chickens. Took his little ass home and loved on him. And ducks are so soft and sweet...NOT Muskovy ducks...he was a treasure. They have the softest little place on the underside of their beaks that is pure silk. Their wings are smooth and glossy. There's a gland on their little duck ass they use to rub on their wings to help them float. Some oily something or other. Then to watch them dive and eat in pools. Head all down. Ass in air. 😁  

What were we talking about???

Ah, yes. My non-existent ducks.

I've been struggling. And I quite hate it. I've a new med doc, and they're messing with my meds because of my new ADHD med. It's creating chaos that I neither want nor need. My body's in an uproar, and I'm completely not a fan. 

My creativity...my LIFELINE...is nowhere to be found right now. It's a slow death, to be honest. I can't focus when I'm in pain, and right now, my body is trying it's best to play Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture, cannons and all.

Let's be honest, the best I do, on the daily, is to try and manage the PTSD, GAD, depression, and ADHD. You don't ever get one over on them. You simply try and juggle the best with what you've got. And while I truly want to work on "Out of the Shadows" and my newest Contemporary Romance AND my Paranormal Thriller...I don't have the fucking wherewithal to do so at this moment.

I have two conferences in August. Ya girl is feeling somewhat defeated at this point. 😞 

I would honestly kill for some ducks right now. 

quack quack