At a crossroads

Not an impasse, dear ones. But most certainly a crossroads.

This is when I thank my Executive Dysfunction for being the whore it is. I've referred to this fantastic ADHD bullshit more than once. I'm stuck in neutral and: forgot about it, am looking at my phone, order a soda from Sonic, clip my toenails, pet Murphy, hop down the deepest rabbit holes that have nothing to do with nothing.

No, thanks. I don't want any.

It's hard to imagine this if you don't suffer from it. And, as someone else sagely stated, "It's not only for annoying things, good things also count."

meh

Had one of my intensive treatments on Tuesday, and it took me OUT, fam. Wednesday was also a wash. 

And I could not hate many things more.

Every moment I am away from my writing, I'm twitchy. It's my gateway drug to a happy place. Also, hell. 😂

But literally? My skin hurt. My outer stretchy covering. Pains shooting hither and thither. BAD evil headache that punished me relentlessly. I couldn't sleep because I hurt that bad.

I don't have dermis picnics. I don't write odes to my dermal casing. It's skin. FFS. 

But when that shit is painful, ain't nobody happy.

Now.

Let's regroup.

Today is a day of progress (she writes before she even attempts to open .docx). We shall venture forth and embrace the imperfections of ourselves and our surroundings. I don't know how long I'll last with the fucking temps in the 90s, and my Sanctuary is the hottest room in the house. 😑

But yea...I shall endeavor to make it work for me. Until I pass out, and Murphy has to give me oxygen.

He's a good kid.

So that's it.

My roller coaster with my mental and physical health. My absolute irritation with anything that prevents me from writing and moving upwards. 

As for the writing, it seems lately there are a lot of newbies out there. Hi!...if you're one of them. 

You don't ever pay someone to publish your book. Money should flow in the author's (and possibly agent's) direction. 

Don't buy, literally, the emails that are prevalent in today's society that praise your book to the heavens, and would you like some more information?

No. You would NOT fucking like some more information.

Block and send to spam.

You can format in .docx. To me, the easiest. Other people use Grammarly or Reedsy. I'm sure there are others. I love Word. Always have. It's free, for one. It is easy, and if you have a learning curve of some sort, then practice in it. Also, free. Paying an editor can be pricey. Trad publishing houses, of course, offer editors. Finding one for yourself could run into the thousands. Not trying to scare you. Simply letting you know. But yes, it's traumatic. 😵

You can pay someone on Fiverr to create a cover for you. Or, you can dip your toe in Adobe Photoshop, Adobe Premiere Elements, or other artistic apps. I only have the Adobe because they were on sale as a 2 for 1. My short ass DOES NOT pay that kind of money for anything but MS Office Suite.

But, I use Canva. $15 a month. And I've made some great covers from simple photos thrown together. I had the HUGEST learning curve with it and almost dropped it completely. Glad I stuck with. We're friendly for now.

Real talk.

If you are only writing to give to your friends and family, please don't spend all that money on items you don't truly need. Even if you ARE writing to broadly publish, don't go upside down in your writing journey. You should never be paying out (marketing, conferences, etc.) more than you're bringing in.

Take care of yourself. And your books. And your skin...FFS.

Everything old is new again

I'll admit to being laser-focused on my writing while in the flow. Everything else falls to the wayside. Is that normal? No idea. But it's me and my method.

"Plot Twist" and "The Morrigan" poured out of me. Effortlessly. That's a gift I haven't found in around two decades. Consequently, everything in that time period focused on them. Then, I started the third book. Felt I needed a moment. Put that aside. Started my erotic romance. Am giving that air, also.

But in the midst of my trying to decide what to work on next, reality struck. (It rarely strikes. I think it knows I'm not a fan most days.)

I have five books I published twenty years ago, where I just received my rights back. 

Oh look, Crystal! You can work on them. *headdesk*

Two of my recent erotic romance were published oh-so-many-years-ago. One was the bestseller at my ePublisher for three years. Couldn't stand the cover on the other. 

I edited. Rewrote. Brand new cover. Boom!

Good to go.

Now. Let me explain. When I started publishing in 2005, I signed on with Whiskey Creek Press and its imprint Whiskey Creek Press Torrid. I published at least two books a year, sometimes three.

Word came down that Start Publishing wanted to buy the ePub. Done deal. Then Simon & Schuster took over that. And for years, my eBooks were available on the S & S website. 

I wrote a few times and asked for my rights back. Never heard word. So I kissed the Sanctuary carpet when I received the email I had my rights back to at least nine of my works.

I polished about half and repubbed as second edition. 

Unfortunately, circumstances prohibited me from continuing to write at that time. Major house fire. Major move. It was an ugly time. When I started again in 2017, I went strictly Indie. 

In 2005, if you wanted reviews, there were about half a dozen sites you could submit your work to, and they would review it. Bitten by Books. Dear Author. The Romance Studio. And reviewers would get to know you, and you them. It was wonderful. I had reviewers before I finished books. 

Now?

I hope authors are ready to send swag and a card vowing to give up a kidney, if necessary. The review business is a popular one. ARC readers are rare and beatific. I belong to a couple of ARC groups on FB, and it's the same old routine.

Most readers don't want a pdf. They want a physical copy. But even sending one copy media mail, you're paying as much for postage as the book costs.

That's a lot of money to shell out with no guarantee a reader follows through with previous intentions. There are ARC contracts now, which honestly blows my geriatric mind. There's still not guarantee.

But I digress.

😶 

My point, and I do have one, is that I have a four-book paranormal romance series written. I simply need to put the energy for editing and new covers. I also have a time-travel book I can play with.

While times change in the book business, they also remain the same.

Keep writing.

Keep pushing.

All good books find a home.

😌 

Hard pass

For reasons unbeknownst to myself, I've felt like hammered dogshit since Friday. Was it because I did too much? Maybe. Not ruling that out. That's why I wait and do everything on one day. But I felt hot. And it WAS hot. And my stomach was unhappy. 

Went to bed early and woke up at midnight feeling like I was going to throw up. But the fun didn't stop until after three. Stomach crampy and felt like wire hangers in there. Sharp and awful.

Woke up Saturday and couldn't muster enough energy to do much. Went to bed early again.

I HATE to waste days, and that's what it felt like this was.

Realized as I took my nocturnal meds Saturday night that I forgot to take them Friday night. 😑

Seriously.

Woke up this morning still hot. Stomach still feels like there are wires in there. 

And I'm completely unamused. 

Started my erotic romance and wrote a bit over 3000 words. But my body is not up for any of it. Was going to cook dinner last night. 

Yeah...no.

Trying to pull something together because this next week, I'm booked Tuesday-Friday. You'll find me in a puddle Saturday.

I don't like to be inert. I find it annoying and inconvenient.

But here I am.

Inert. 🖕

I had a blog title

Maybe two hours ago. It's gone the way of the Oklahoma wind which means I'll never see it again.

I've:

picked up groceries

talked to middle child

started laundry

fed the Murphinator

put groceries up

did dishes

Am currently sitting in the sauna known as the Sanctuary. 😑

I believe, oh yesssssssssssss, literally just came back to me. The subject. NOT the title, of course. Curse you, Oklahoma wind.

I wanted to chat about reading and writing.

I read what I want. When I want. The last physical book I put on hold at the library was "King Sorrow" by Joe Hill. I gave it plenty of time to enchant me. It didn't. I felt as though I were reading a Lev Grossman novel. I wanted the spark and terror of NOS4A2. That shit still scares me. No joke.

But I digress.

Then, since I'm an impatient heifer, and couldn't WAIT for Season 2 of "Dept. Q" on Netflix, I proceeded to look up the author of the source material and plow through his books. Author--Jussi Adler-Olsen. I read one every four hours or so. But waited until a new day to start. 

I stopped at book 8: Victim 2117.

I believe he may have jumped the shark*. I'll say no more.

(*archaic reference to "Happy Days" episode)

I've not found anything else I want to take its place. That makes me...sad, actually. All I DID was read in school. Ask my Algebra II teacher. 😁

When I write, I don't need the words in that way, because I already have them. I'm creating my own story. Better than any drug out there. I never feel so focused as when I'm storytelling.

But, when I finish a book, I can take several directions.

I published "Canary: Out of the Shadows" on March 4th. Then I added it to Amazon and Draft2Digital yesterday. Put it on my FB, here, and notified the masses.

But what do I really want to do?

Start another book.

Which is grand, except all I had for my erotic romance was the name of the three main characters. I've added another. And since I'm visual, I went poking about G and finding images that suit. Helps me IMMEASURABLY. 

I have some dialogue. Half a dozen locations. The premise, of course. I am FEELING it.

Having said that, when all the booktok girlies and small-business romance stores want to know what romance I'm reading right now.

*blinks*

My own?

I tried to read an erotic romance highly recommended on a thread and didn't make it five pages in. It was written terribly. Fifty Shades, anyone?

Erotic romance is not only saying the dirty words and using eighty different positions. That's Erotica. Erotic romance demands a connection, a price, a peak, and resolution. All while tying the reader in knots. 

If an author cannot provide the above, then call the book what it is. Erotica. And bad erotica at that. 

Ooof. Didn't see my soap box under me.

Imagine that.

Writing romance and any other genre has broad guidelines. Romance guarantees a Happily-Ever-After. That's the kick. That's the payoff. But the path is what makes the story. The hardships. The pain. The connection. There are only so many tropes in romance, and they're pretty basic. It's what you do with your voice in the story which makes it unique and worthy. I'd much rather forge my own path than take the path trampled down by others. 

*end scene*

Disillusionment

The disappointment Crystal feels when researching for her incredibly erotic romance...only to find out that someone she thought was a natural redhead...IS NOT!

The scream I screamt.

WTF?

meh

I'm not sure I can continue now.

Canary: Out of the Shadows

The final book in my Canary series.

Canary: Out of the Shadows

The gods have joined the game—and they want Ray erased.

Every secret bleeds into the open. Every choice exacts its price. Her father’s name is no longer a mystery—it’s a weapon.

As the war reaches its breaking point, Ray must decide what kind of monster she’s willing to become to end it.

The board is burning. The gods are watching.

And this time, Ray plays for keeps.

Ray has never been anyone’s chosen child. Her mother went mad. Her grandmother is Hecate—the goddess of witchcraft and death. And her so-called family? Half-gods with too much power and too little mercy.

But the real secret isn’t in her bloodline—it’s in her father, the ghost no one talks about. The one even the gods fear.

Ray’s very existence is the catalyst in a game spanning three worlds. And the players will stop at nothing until she’s erased from the board.

It's March

Wow. Not November? Because I swear to all that's good and holy I've lived three lifetimes in these three months. Not in a good way.

Will publish "Canary: Out of the Shadows" today. Entirely excited about it. 

I wrote the Canary series as a trio. I never meant to take it further or continue with the characters.

Small problem. I LOVE these characters. I loosely based my protagonist on Lisbeth Salander in "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo". The will to survive. The compartmentalization. The need to protect, though damaged.

Serena, Lace, John, Stella, Dale, Nessa, and my favorite mutant mortal--Cody. That boy grew on me and Ray at the same time. 

And that's it for me. When the book is finished. When I type "The End" and date the last page, the characters don't go quietly into the night. They still live inside me. Another wonderful thing about being an author. To paraphrase Patrick Swayze to Demi Moore in "Ghost"...you take them all with you. It's quite beautiful.

Is it maddening?

If Chris Evans isn't telling you, I've nothing left to say.

That's why I reference my Mind Cabin. But a nice one. Not one of those serial killer hideouts.

And that's where my characters stay and play. They book their respective room, and we calculate when is the best time for them to visit me.

Does this always work?

See Chris Evans gif again, please.

Truth is, I don't know if I'm ready to let the Canary crew retire silently to their rooms. I'm not sure yet. I wanted a crossover, maybe, but that doesn't vibe yet, either. 

Writers are weirdos.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.