First Impressions

A lot has been made of first impressions.  

Research suggests that your appearance affects how trustworthy, promiscuous, and powerful people think you are.

We "first impression" so many things daily.  People.  Places.  Food.  Clothes.  Cars.

Right after the impression comes judgment.  Kind or unkind.  Usually unkind.

"Did she even brush her hair today?"

"They should have used better lighting in here."

"Did you SEE what they served her?  I can't believe someone would actually order that."

"He's one step up from a hobo in those clothes."

"Look how far his tag is out of date!"

I'm imperfectly made and find myself responding like my opinion makes one whit of difference.  But I'm getting better.  I try to step back and give the moment space.  It's so easy to be wrapped up in your own head garbage when you don't need to be.

I step back and push me out of the way.  I strive to be objective.  Objectivity opens your eyes a lot further than subjectivity.

I don't know what kind of day people have had to judge anything about their hygiene or appearance.  I don't know if they can afford what they need in that area.  

It's completely none of my business what others choose to eat.  I don't like calf fries, but kudos if you do.  You may not like mashed potatoes.  More for me.  This is personal preference, not an affront to your taste buds.  Grow up.  We're not in first grade, anymore.

This is not an easy world to live in.  Prices are jumping up daily from bread to toilet paper to insurance.  Luxury items are a joke.  I had three shirts I rotated, in junior high, growing up.  Believe me, I never needed a reminder.  I knew how few clothes I had and when I wore the same shirt two days that week.

And car tags?  Yes.  They're obviously a priority.  And they're obviously expensive.  Used to be a bit of a game when I would catch the earliest car tag date.  Now?  I wish I had the money to give them to update their tag.  

First impressions can be both brutal and devastating because your eyes and brain have already taken in details you haven't even consciously noticed before you open your mouth.  

I'm simply asking for a space.  An inhalation and exhalation to clear your mind of preconceived notions before you communicate.  

People are uniquely made and infinitely quirky.  Give yourself a chance to know them beyond the stereotypical exterior.  Maybe you do, and they ARE exactly what they portray.  That's fine, too.  But allow them that one space to be anything.  

Sometimes our actions pin them into a box as sure as their inaction.

I think the world is opening up more.  People are realizing they can express themselves with body art, piercings, and clothing choices.  It's incredibly important to be able to be who you're meant to be.  And there are more people accepting of these modifications.

Please.

Take that space.

Always writing*

Murder

I LOVED listening to the guest speaker for the writing group.  Oh my goodness.  Cris Cunningham was a homicide detective for nearly seventeen years.  And yes, I write romance, but I am also writing fantasy, paranormal, and erotic.  I can slide murder into all of those.  👀

She went over two cases start to finish.  I was fixated because I love to know things, and I will use some of it in a book.  Not only that, she's a character, herself.  I wanted to dive all up in her grey matter and poke around.  I want to know what makes people tick.  

I had a young man ask me at a Writer's Panel how I felt killing characters.  At the time, I only had one under my belt.  And truthfully?  It felt odd.  He referenced Stephen King who advised "kill your darlings."

Since then?  Well.  I've offed some characters.  Truthfully?  I cried.  I cried so hard while typing it, I gave myself a headache.  We want readers attached to these wonderful characters, but the truth is that they are our children.  We birthed them.  Raised them.  We LOVE them.  Even the assholes.  And they will continue to be a part of us long after their story ends.  

Part of me wishes I was cold and callous and could kill characters with no guilt and no tears.  But I can't.  It's traumatic, quite frankly.  

Now I have all sorts of ways and means at my disposal.  That's great, right?  😐

Always writing*

...and now I'm plotting some murdering

Broaden your horizons

Stepping outside my comfort zone today.  I belong to Oklahoma Writer's Federation Inc.  There are several offshoot groups.  I belong to the Oklahoma Romance Writers Guild as writing romance is my bread and butter.  But another group posted about having a homicide detective as a speaker at their monthly meeting.  

Anyone who knows me knows that I love knowledge.  I hoard it like a dragon with treasure.  I want to understand what makes everything work like it does.  I want to understand what makes people do the things they do.  I want to understand.  Period.

I've had an incredibly busy week.  Today is no different.  I'm adding chapters on my Vella stories and working on another book.  Setting up my schedule for next week.  Tomorrow is already mapped out.  

But I've rearranged my schedule to lunch at 11:30 with these wonderful writerly people and then listen to this speaker at 1:30.  

I know no one.

Normally, that would be a "hell no" automatically.  But what good is that?  It isn't.

I'm awkward as hell meeting new people.  I talk too much.  I say shit no one understands.  I am WEIRD, people.  WEIRD.  I prefer neuro-spicy.  Either way, it's stressful.  

But guess what?  I'm showing up.  It's too easy to shrug my shoulders and miss this wonderful opportunity.  A little discomfort is a small price to pay for what I'm gaining.

Believe me when I say I understand being uncomfortable in social situations.  But there are so many wonderful things out there where that is the price of admission.  

I'm going to go and be awkward and ask questions and blush at the ripe old age of 50 because people are looking at me.  And God help me, I may be asked to introduce myself.  Does that shit EVER end???

But I'll live.  And I'll have more knowledge to tuck away in the Mind Cabin.

Wish me luck.

Always writing*

...and biting bullets

I'd like to thank the Academy

It's 12:36am.  I'm sitting in my chair in the Sanctuary, my office.  Simba is sacked out on the day bed, probably wondering why in the hell his mother is on the computer.

Great question.

Woke up at 11:42pm with a tickle in my throat.  Still have random little bs like that from the bronchitis.  Completely unamusing.  Bathroom trip.  Back to bed.  Then I try to calm myself back down enough to go to sleep.  It's not easy for me.  I sleep with ear plugs and a visor.  The Honey has to have the TV on.  I can't sleep with anything sensory going on.  Bad enough, sometimes the ear plugs don't cut it.  But I digress.

I let the mind wander around.  I like to entertain myself with visions of either speaking at a large book tour/conference, or this morning, it was being a guest on "Today" on NBC.  I talked about my book and the main character.  How it came about.  Then I started thinking about the book.  Then a piece of a scene came to me, and HERE WE ARE!!! 🥳 

It always comes back to the book.

Now that I've purged my wee brain, maybe I'll be able to go back to sleep.  

Maybe.

Always writing*

...not kidding, am I?

But what do you want???

I touched on this briefly in an earlier post, but I'm about to run my fingers all over it again.

There are several places you can look to see what an agent prefers to represent.  Twitter, agency website, MSWL, Publisher's Marketplace, interviews, QueryTracker, Association of American Literary Agents, etc.

The problem arrives when you've done your due diligence, you think, and you send off the query.  Secure in the fact you have fit into the agent's requirements.  Only to find out, they don't represent what you've sent.  I had this happen.  Found an agent by searching who represented Fantasy, only to send off the query and receive an email back stating she does not, in fact, represent that genre.  😮 

I was stunned.  What the what?

Saw a tweet this morning from another writing saying she fit an agent's MSWL nearly to a T, only to receive a form letter rejection.  😩

An agent posted a tweet yesterday about NEEDING a story about skiing.  Okay.  Let's take that.

I can write a book in three to four months.  I decide to BE that writer.  (Sidenote:  I'm NOT that writer.  I've no interest.)  I start researching and plucking away.

In the meantime, a month later, a beautiful child with disabilities is recorded at the local bowling alley bowling an almost perfect game.  He/she wins the hearts of the nation.  Pledges come in from all over for their charities of choice, and suddenly everyone is about bowling.

Taylor Swift is inspired and writes a song that sells millions.  Celebrities hold tournaments all over and show up at local alleys, prompting one big lovefest across the nation.  Kingpin is the buzz term, and we all wear bowling shoes and button-up shirts.

Skiing is now...stale.  Even I don't give a flip about it, anymore.

This is why I don't write to the market or even keep track of what's "hot" right now.

Write what you want to write.  It hasn't been done yet?  THEN BE THE FIRST!!!  I cannot stress this enough.  Writing for someone else ends in nothing but disappointment.  If you interested in skiing, then please, by all means, write the story.  But if you'd rather walk through hot lava, then don't make yourself because you think it's the only way you'll be published.

Let me fold this burrito up and tuck both ends.

Agents may switch agencies.  Agents may switch preferences.  Agents may look you dead in the eye and tell you they don't represent something they represented a week ago.  It happens.

Write your books.  Love your books.  They are a part of you.  Why change pieces of yourself to fit elsewhere?  DO THE DAMN THING.  Do it again and again and again until you're comfortable enough to write what your soul wishes.  Because when you're writing what you're meant to be writing?  There is nothing that compares to that feeling.  Absolutely nothing.  I swear to God I think I glow.  😄💖

Doubt I'm done with this particular subject, but I am for now.  I want to stand on my soapbox with a megaphone and yell at all these wonderful people they are good enough with what they want to write.  Write that.  Keep looking for an agent.  Maybe indy-pub.  There are so many options.  But not writing isn't one of them.  

Okay.  My short ass is winding down.  I've queries to send and worlds to create.

Always writing*

...and cheering you on!!!

Write what you know

No, thank you.

I mean, sure.  I'll write a bit about that, but why wouldn't I want to write about things I don't know but want to?

Google is my friend.  I'm that writer who will rabbit hole the hell out of something and find obscure but absolutely brilliant facts I can use, or simply file away, for my books.  My favorite is jotting down facts and being able to use them two books later because they fit.  Knowledge never goes out of style.  

I love to research mythology and etymology.  Where did these words and stories come from?  Botany is a big subject in this trilogy.  I need to know the poisonous from the pretty.  I'm also using some of the species names.  Insect hybrids.  Cartels.  Dante's Inferno.  Energy signatures.  Meteorological patterns.  Fibonacci sequence.  

Why would I limit myself to only things I know???  It's a great big world out there eager to help me learn.  I'm a student and will continue to be a student.  I love to learn new things and then pass them on to others.  Don't let it intimidate you.  Dive in.  Swim around.  Play with the dolphins.  Boop the shark.  You have no limits.  

Don't limit yourself.

Always writing*

...and booping sharks 

Writer Speak

Writers have several languages all their own.  I personally have a shit ton of conversations aloud which will make sense to no one but me.  Smile and wave.

But here are some key terms I can translate for those of you lucky enough, ahem, to have writers in your lives:

1.  I'm writing today.

Translation:  I have placed my hands on the keyboard while my WIP was open.  Effort was put forth.  I may have written 1 or 5000 words.  DO NOT ASK.

2.  I'm doing research.

Translation:  I needed some innocuous last names, and I think I may have Googled a little too much information, and if the FBI knocks at the door, tell them I'm a WRITER!  I should already be on some type of list. 🤔

3.  I'm blogging today.

Translation:  Should I tell people I know how much a pinky finger weighs?  Or that the best finger to cut off is the index?

4.  These characters are impossible!

Translation:  Is there a GOOD reason I put my character in a situation I now can't seemingly write them out of?  Way to go, Einstein...

5.  I'm in a mood.

Translation:  My characters are either going to fight or have sex or both.

6.  Fuckity fuck fuck fuck

Translation:  Fuckity fuck fuck fuck

A few simple translations.  But honestly?  If we're writing, avoid us like a grenade without the pin.  😁  

Always writing*

...or blogging...or thinking of writing...or having bronchitis and a sinus infection 😡😭