Did I shave my legs for this?

Nope.

Sure didn't. 

Shave my legs, that is. In...😶...a while. Like, they're soft now. Why bother? 🤷

I can't stand to catch sight of them is why. I actually had a dream last night they were much hairier, and this guy looked at my legs and didn't say a word.

This is obviously a ME problem.

Couple things.

I popped something in my right shoulder that is being a temperamental bitch right now. Also, I get dizzy when I lean down in the shower. 

Neither conducive to hair removal.

Also, wait for it, LIFE IS FUCKING LIFIN' right now.

Thanksgiving? Yeah. Less than a week. We're having like a whole basketball team over. 🤯

I've made list upon list and am still stressed to the gills I'm going to royally fuck something up. 😑

There are new med appts around the corner, and I'm anxious about those. 

And writing?

Oh...I fucking WISH.

I've been rolling into bed at six to rest my tired body. It's been a real shitshow of late. My body. A shitshow.

Now.

For some good news.

There is ALWAYS good news.

Hazbin Hotel, Season 2, is on Amazon Prime, and I finished binge-watching it. 😍

ALL five gbabies will be at Thanksgiving. 💖

I did something REALLY REALLY hard for me, and my therapist told me she was proud of me for doing it. 💃💃💃

That's a wrap. 

Making plans is good (for other people).

I'll admit it. Sometimes, in an optimistic moment, I attempt to make plans. I was supposed to be in Sapulpa today for an author's showcase at the library there. 

My arm, newest pain friend, vetoed that. 

I do, however, have an orthopedist referral.

woot

Then, because I discount life and its horrible fucking jokes on the regular, I thought I could finish "Canary: Out of the Shadows" by yesterday.

I only had ONE MORE BIG SCENE to write. Right?

DEEP BREATH

Firstly, I am a dumbass. Four/five weeks ago, it sounded completely doable. That's when I wrote the date in my planner. Life always lifes, folks.

Secondly, I assumed (bad, bad Crystal) that writing said scene would be fairly simple. No. Idiot. It's a hoedown showdown of monumental proportions with over half a dozen beings going at it. I need cinematography in my wee brain. Then I can jot. It will unfold like that for me. 

At least, that's the usual and what I'm REALLY REALLY hoping happens.

Thirdly, this next week? 😑

I pick up my sister from the airport Tuesday. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday...I have appts. Thursday, I have two. And then I exhale, and it's Thanksgiving.

🤨

Exsqueeze me? Baking powder?

Thank the Lord that it's not THIS WEEK.

I keep thinking that something will slow down. You know, except my body. I am sadly mistaken every damn time.

But after Thanksgiving, I think there will be a slight lull (am I gaslighting myself? I'm gaslighting myself, aren't I???) until Christmas.

Ah, well. It is what it is.

Googlings for today:

orb weaver

Darwin's bark spiders

mythology of the Phoenix

villain origin story of banshees

tendrils of death

brinicle

Nyx's completely scary ass children

Have a good weekend!

Pop goes the...shoulder

I've stated it all before. Chronic pain...ya ya ya. I could tell you each part, what type of pain, and how long it lasts...if it ever stops. But I don't do that. I simply go on about my day. Cool beans.

But let me tell you what the fuck happened yesterday evening.

I finished using the restroom and turned to walk away from the toilet and wash my hands.

POP!

I froze in place. Shit sounded like a bone disconnecting from my body. It echoed in the bathroom. I immediately grab my right shoulder with my left hand. Profanity ensued. Creative profanity, at that.

Then I washed my hands and toddled off to the living room to my rocker recliner.

Let me tell you about this new shoulder issue. The pain is exquisite. Sharp. Intense. Radiates from my shoulder, down my bicep, to my elbow. I cannot move without being beat shitless by the pain fairy. Even with no movement, the pain is a deep ache. I am incredibly displeased.

I just turned to go wash my hands!

Doesn't this bullshit only happen to old people??? 

Oh. Wait. 🤫

More fun is that my right arm has been in a flare for weeks. Now, my muscles and nerves are having one hell of a pain party where I am, unfortunately, the guest of honor. I hate both you guys. 🤬

Of course, I'm Googling the shit out of it. The Honey thinks maybe rotator cuff or labral tear. Because why the fuck not???

Apparently..."a shoulder pop may be a natural occurrence in some people." I would like this to be me. I don't believe it is.

So. Guess I'll go to the damn doctor and deal with this crap. Have them take a look. 

And, because I want it both ways---I want them to be able to see the issue. I want them to tell me just to ice it and take it easy.

Part of me wants to skip the "doc" part completely and see what happens now. 😁 

Updates. Maybe. 

sigh

What's on the books (ha ha) today?

Putting the finishing touches on my talk at the Bethany Public Library about Outlining/Plotting/Organizing Chaotic Thoughts. Typical me to bang everything out in a day and then need to go back and blend all the business together.

Have PowerPoint and notes. Heaven knows I'll need the notes. 

I could freestyle, but I don't think the world is ready.

Throwing together a gift basket for the event and always SUPER excited about that part! And meeting new people. It's filled with anxiety for me, and I'm sure my stomach will launch its usual protest, up to and including me basically starving myself until after the presentation so I don't have to leave in the middle. 😑

My body is a wonderland.

I'll throw the final final touches in on Friday and be ready by tomorrow evening.

I need to make a list.

Ooooooo...list. That will, hopefully, make sure I don't forget anything pertinent. Doesn't help my memory resembles that of a goldfish.

Where were we???

Ah, yes. 

Not going anywhere today so it's book talk Saturday and working on "Canary: Out of the Shadows."

Let me simply say...I'm a fun girl.

SO fun.

I've stated before that there is a battle both above and below ground. I plotted out the below ground battle. Thought I could simply wing through the above battle, and I nearly slapped myself.

Really, girl? REALLY???

And that's what's popping today!

🥳

Busy much?

Let's all be clear and upfront about this. I don't mind steady goings-on in my life. I try to balance when I can and cope with the rest.

Being busier than shit and forgetting things as well?

Son...

List of things to do today:

Pick up meds

Mail a book

Drop off a library book

Email a bookstore about consignments

Email about two general tickets I can give away to Book Me Romance in mid-August 2026.

Talked to a lovely woman about sending my books for a reader's retreat

Put together a gift basket for the talk I'm giving Saturday 10-12 at the Bethany Public Library.

I don't want to take my pajamas off. I sure as hell don't want to dress myself. 😭

But I, as I usually do, try and finish what I need to start.

I go to the bathroom and have the worst thought. Did I unpack my car after Saturday night's book event?

No. The fuck I did not. Beat my head on the nearest wall. Are you KIDDING??? A chair. My cart. Totes that go in said cart. 

Jesus wept.

Crystal thought about it.

Finally wheel that shit in and change clothes.

I hate clothes. 

A necessary evil.

Cheated and put on a tube top bra instead of a "real" one. heh

I still need to:

Put together that gift basket. (I DID order some stuff for attendees off Amazon.)

Unpack my damn book cart of horrors sometime this week.

Fine-tune my PowerPoint for Saturday. Go over my notes and blend.

Finish Canary: Out of the Shadows because for the love of GOD.

Mail books to reader's retreat lady.

Get ready for next Saturday and a reading at a book event at the Sapulpa Public Library. 🥳

Med appt tomorrow

Groceries Thursday???

Hair Friday

I'm tired, Boss. 😫

Perhaps a bit of a rest after Thanksgiving?

We're expecting like...14. 😶

This is usually why I don't schedule anything after September.

But I've had the BEST time with fellow authors and readers.

Man...sometimes you stretch yourself to see-through for love.

💖

Dream big, Chaos Cow

Let me tell you. I dream big. And why not? It hurts nothing and gives me something to strive towards.

I'm sitting at my desk yesterday, making up my 2026 writing goals, trying to ignore the fact I'm in "waiting mode", and I decide to up my game.

Ya girl occasionally has game.

I put "finish 3 book titles" for 2025.

I upped that to 5 in 2026. 🤭

Do I entertain myself?

Oh...daily.

As I'm sitting at my table last night, I start doing math. Wait. There are only 12 months in a year, Crystal. Am I going to bust out a book every 2 1/2 months? 🤯

Seriously?

Then, I thought...why the fuck not? Why can't I? I'm fully capable of writing a book in that amount of time. But the issue is DOING IT!

What if I don't feel good that day? What if I have something come up? What if? What if? What if?

*shrug*

Life...lifes.

I've no control over it.

But I have a bit of control over myself.

Just the tiniest amount. 😂

The goal stays. 

Are the other goals as outrageous?

eh

Pretty much.

But that's why there ARE goals. 

And when I reach them...it makes it all worth while.

Now.

Pardon me, while I stress on my talk this coming Saturday at the Bethany Public Library and straighten my shit to sound like an actual functioning adult. ✌

No. I don't have anything better to do AKA stressing about something happening ten hours later.

ADHD has s wonderful thing called "waiting mode" where we focus on a later event and trigger our anxiety and executive dysfunction to fill the time until later event.

I am in the gnarly throes of this bullshit right now.

Have "Socially Booked" this evening. Event runs 6-9. We set up at 4:45. I want to be there at 4:15 to grab a good parking spot and perhaps a bite. Then book in a shower. Loading the car. Figuring out what in the hell I'm wearing. And I'm...spent. 😒 At not even 9 in the morning.

I've already packed my cart with books. Cleaned out my car sufficiently to pack said books. I've done what I can, in other words.

Now, we can be pensive the rest of the day.

Anxiety doesn't help, I have to admit. But being able to name this whole "waiting mode" bullshit is nice compared to me wondering, all the time, why I'm such a temporal idiot.

Am I excited? So much. Am I anxious as hell? So much. 

Then, there's my talk at Bethany Library next Saturday. That's a work in progress. But when my mind isn't filled with tonight, it's filled with my library talk. Literally every moment of the day. What I want to say. How I want to say it. Topics to cover. 

I think I might give myself another ulcer. 😬

My therapist assures me there can be good stress. I concur, but I can't tell which is which. 😑

It's all stress. Labels are unnecessary. 

sigh

That's my post for today. Whining about an event I'm excited but incredibly stressed about. Whining about an event NEXT Saturday where I take center stage and instruct others. 

Maybe I'll just copy and past this post next Friday. 🤔