Tools of the trade

I don't even want to discuss what time it is. 😑 

Considering I rolled into bed 12 hours ago, I suppose I shouldn't complain.

But I will. 😂

At this godforsaken time in the AM, we're going to discuss some tools of the trade.

Yesterday, I spent a great deal of time adding titles in Kindle Direct Publishing and https://draft2digital.com/. As I went to grab the link for the latter, I'd already sold a book I added. 🥳

But let me back it up.

LONG GONE are the days of simply whipping out a story and doing a bit of publicity and marketing. Back in the early aughts, I'd write a book. Submit. We'd edit. I'd fill out a form for the cover designer. Publish. Market.

Rock on.

Yesterday, being an Indie Author, it looked a little like this:

pulled older work I recently received the rights back 

open in Word

delete previous publisher info and add mine

FORMAT (format is now one of my "f" words 😣)

Edit

Purchase more ISBNs from Bowker at 29.50 a pop. I'd still suggest buying your own ISBN for your works. You WILL need a separate one for mediums i.e. digital or print.

Fill out ISBN information for digital book

Run my manuscript through Kindle Create program to check for formatting errors. It'll kick out a Kindle and ePub copy that should be clean to use in Kindle Direct.

Format, when needed, and curse fluently

Go to Kindle Direct, fill out data, upload manuscript.

Add cover design.

Launch previewer to check for errors.

I use Canva Premium to design my covers, except the explicit ones because Canva is a prude. If I want spicy, I use Shutterstock.

I design my covers around the time I finish, or I'm about to finish, my work. Then, because I'm rowing this boat solo, I actually design a page with the cover and tropes. And now, I design a third page I can add to Insta and TikTok and Threads. 

I throw this reel soup together in Adobe Photoshop Elements 2023 with the Video Editor. My only complaint being the music selection for the background is LIMITED.

I used CapCut Web on some previous works, better music, but you have to renew yearly, and it's an expense I didn't want or need.

After adding eBook to KDP (Kindle Direct), I go back and add the ISBN for the print project.

Then to Kindle Direct. 

This time, I need to design the entire cover flap, as the digital copy only needs the front cover.

 

One of us, me me me, nearly went mental designing the full flap for "One Enchanted Evening" because I needed to find a color to complement the gold and cream colored invitation. If I didn't try every fucking tile on the massive color square, TWICE, I swear to you...

Moving on.

Also, you need keywords to add to your manuscript file. I opened my handy, dandy Publisher Rocket and opened my "keyword search" where I found similar titles and looked at their keywords to get ideas to use for mine.

If you can afford it, BUY THIS!

They're going to move to an annual subscription, eventually, and the one-time payment for access is well worth it.

I could continue to gush all about it, but we've work to do.

Add keywords and genres to KDP files.

Shuffle over to Draft2Digital to add eBooks there. 

You're not paying for any of this. Draft2Digital will take a percentage of sales. They make your book available to: 

Apple Books

Barnes & Noble

Kobo (including Kobo Plus)

Smashwords Store

Tolino

OverDrive

cloudLibrary

Everand

Baker & Taylor

Hoopla

Vivlio

BorrowBox

Odilo

Palace Marketplace

Gardners

Small caveat, some of these distributors will not accept spicy content. Roll with the punches, darlings.

Still a hell of a deal.

Then I move onto the next.

I WILL say I do Canva in blocks. I designed Insta posts for four different books, one after the next, and then threw them into Adobe to make reels.

I find this easier to keep my train of thought, hard on the best days, when I'm doing something repetitively.

I think that's basically it. 

Minus the blood, sweat, tears, and profanity.

Gotta love what you do. 💖

Combined ADHD brain

I'm fifty-three and diagnosed this year. A lot of people ask if it's even worth being diagnosed at an advanced age.

I believe so.

My wee grey matter has days like if you went to a Fourth of July fireworks show, and they set all of them off at once.

I'm nearly manic.

For those old enough to remember, it's like Alex Keaton in "Family Ties", high on amphetamines, studying for a test and rolling back and forth in his chair from question to answer and acing it. 

That's me.

In the chair.

Except, there's like twenty desks.

And I'm not acing it. 😂

Last night, I couldn't go to sleep because my mind filled with everything I wanted/planned to do today. I honestly thought about getting up and starting those, even after I took my night meds, which includes a sleeping pill.

I finally drifted off, only to wake at 4:30 this morning (have I told you I HATE mornings???) and begin again.

With a mental list. For my mental self.

Knowing I have ADHD helps. It makes sense of things I do and how I do them. It's wanting to be organized but struggling to be. It's trying to research and ending up in a rabbit hole or holes sixty-five tabs in.

It's a hundred and six post-it notes of a dozen colors atop my desk. 

It makes SENSE now.

I've always accepted and embraced my quirks. (I have my share and probably yours, too.) But it's good to know I was made this way. 

It's my vibe. 💖

It's the small things

Like trying to match the color of cover font to spine and back pieces of the book. Was I driving myself absolutely batshit attempting to do so?

You know me too well.

😂

Lordt.

I made a list, on my trusty post-it note, of the four stories I needed to revise/edit/publish.

I've finished THREE.

🥳🎉

I am SO excited about it!

*deep breath*

Now, I'll be editing/formatting (😡) "One Enchanted Evening." Not sure whether to keep the title as is, or use another one. 

I wrote "Perfect Timing" (the time travel romance) before there were 800 books of the same name. You know, back in the mid-aughts. Twenty odd years later, and I've changed it to "In His Own Time." Revisions should be SLAPPING.

What will I be doing this weekend??? WRITING ON CANARY: OUT OF THE SHADOWS if I have to duct tape my short ass to my desk. 😒

Me and my issues.

Think I may have pulled something last night when granddaughters climbed all over me. Have additional back pain on top of the usual suspects. 

ffs

And that's my world this Friday morning. Back at it. Head first into the craziness that exists in my wee grey matter. 

Need to calm down with the new and shiny and get back to the older and forgotten.

Have a great weekend!

It's the remix, baby!

Ya girl is playing with her older books and revising and revamping. New covers and edits. Fresher blurbs. Doing the most over here.

As I'm still coughing up my lungs...😑

Anyway, this morning will be me making a reel for "Programmed for Pleasure." That means Adobe Photoshop something or other and my learning curve. *sigh*

But, here we go.

I'm having fun tinkering in Canva for the new covers. Here are the ones I've revamped so far:

For readers who crave enchanted love stories with brooding heroes, brave heroines, and the magic of fate.

If you’re a fan of modern erotic romance with humor, temptation, and heat, you’ll love this tale.

If you’re a fan of bargain-for-love plots with high-stakes passion, you’ll devour Diana and Sheridan’s story.

For readers who devour fantasy romance with high stakes, dark forces, and love written in prophecy.

And that's what my short sick ass has been doing. 🥳

I'm off into the Adobe depths of trying to create something I normally wouldn't even attempt.

But seriously?

When has THAT stopped me??? 🤔😂

You may be right...I may be crazy

Judgment-free zone here. 

I've decided, in my manic wisdom, that I function better when my hair is on fire. This sounds counter-productive, but stick with me.

I'm currently: finishing "Canary: Out of the Shadows", editing "The Portrait", editing "What He Wants", buying ISBNs for my revised books and assigning them, putting together a book catalog, renaming and editing "Perfect Timing", and editing two short erotic romance stories for Christmas. 😁

It absolutely knocks my ass into the dirt, but I'm thriving with it. Well, not yesterday. When I thought editing "The Portrait" would be the hippest of beans, and I spent roughly 3 1/2 hours reformatting it. That was a nice descension into publishing purgatory. Still fucking with it. 😑

Talked to my therapist about my complete blocked feelings on "Canary: OOS". Like...I can't even bring it up and dick around in it. Something vitally important missing somewhere. We figured out I need tangible proof of my progress. 

Well, hellooooooooo post-it notes!

I used to write word count start and finish on these bad boys so I could assure myself I actually did work that day. I'd gotten out of the habit. But in my mind, it's a starter AND an alternator. I will absolutely not keep track WHILE I'm typing because then I want to pluck my eyeballs out their sockets. It's only when I do not pay attention that the story usually works better.

I love to feel accomplished. 

Don't we all?

I've run across an issue with the older books with some being in .pdf and some in .doc or .docx. That's a bit maddening because formatting is bullshit. I will stand by that statement forever. Utter. Ridiculous. Extraneous. Bullshit.

How I loathe it.

But, I'll figure it out. Hopefully. 😶

It's a roller coaster ride. 

Helps to fan the flames in my hair.

😂

Have you ever?

Certainly.

And several times today.  😒

Have you ever decided you're going to clean the hell out of a room? Strip that bitch basically down to the sheet rock and fix EVERYTHING?

Yeah.

That's how I roll.

Our Maker decided not to give me a "moderation" button. They're like...nah. This cow be chaotic, and we love it.

Cool.

Cool.

I will pull shit out of every drawer and closet. Flinging it here, there, and wherever. Then my cheeks sit in the middle and sort. It's tedious, but oh-so-satisfying.

Except.

Except when chronic pain hits a third of the way through, and I'm questioning my life choices. Except when I gaze about, and my eyes glaze over because it's a teeny-weeny-bit more than I anticipated. Just a smidge.

And then...it happens.

Are those all the socks I have? 

Is that my journal from 2012?

Do I even own mascara?

Finally found those damn pants. Remember when...?

Oooooo...what is THIS?

You feel me. 

You have been DE-railed.

As I'm fighting pneumonia and down with the sickness, I've tried to use time that I'm not horizontal into putting together an Inman Books catalog. It would have been viable before my rights were returned for earlier books, but it's exceptionally timely now.

I know there's an easier way to do this, but I'm hands-on-ing the living shit out of it, and it's been a great connector to me and my works. 

A book per page. 

But THEN!!!

Since I changed my PayPal to a business account, I had the most brilliant idea to make that my payment hub. Because of course I did.

And what the good fuck am I doing now, you ask?

Oh. My short, sick little ass is copying code like I know something.

Of course, I DO remember (with my short OLD ass), when you could create your own website and plug in code. And, there was always MySpace. 

But I didn't ask for this. There was no sign up.

Let's bottom line this bullshit.

Why, in this world or any of the others, do you think anyone can simply snap, crackle, and pop this stuff together like magna-tiles?

My wee grey matter is focusing on two different screens and three different problems. Putting code in? Sure, right after I fly to the moon and operate on my own brain.
I canna do it.

But hey! Let's at least try. 😶

Chaotic Cow with a mission.

 

Challenges

Told you I was sick, right? 

Ya girl has pneumonia. 🎉

I don't believe I've ever had this particular illness. I don't believe I ever want to have it again.

Currently trying to cough up one, or both, of my lungs.

Puts a wrench into those wonderful plans I made. 😑

I am, however, doing what I can.

Going to be honest here. I don't "get" Instagram. I have a hard time posting on it, and it drives me batshit. Thought I created a carousel reel in Canva. Tried to post it on there. HA! Silly Crystal. Then I opened up Adobe photo or video something or other and created one. 

The learning curve on that one was steep. 😒

It was a PROCESS.

First, created the pictures I wanted on Canva. Then uploaded those pictures, added music, and edited a reel. 

What did I tell you about dipping toes into unknown waters? That shit happens on the daily.

But now?

I'll be making one for each of my books. Hopefully speed up the process a bit.

Also, need to edit older books and create new book covers. Format. So on and so forth. 

Not going to hop ALL over that right now as I'm not sleeping the best (at all).

Challenges?

Oh. Plenty.

*shrug*

Just keep at it with whatever you have on hand. Little steps are still steps. It's all progress.

I'm excited for the end result.

And even MORE excited when this absolute shitshow leaves my body.

Well well well. What have we here?

If you have granddaughters that watch "The Nightmare before Christmas", you'll know this is Oogie Boogie with his introduction. 

LeeLee, oldest granddaughter, would sit in my office chair and wait for me to come out of the bathroom JUST to swivel in said chair and say these words. I would crack up every time.

But. What HAVE we here?

Oh. This author typing around 5000 words yesterday on "Out of the Shadows." 🥳

When you write multiples, there are many things you need to do.

1. Keep the pace. Can't let any of the books fall behind in sense of urgency. Solved a problem? Create another. Immediately.

2. Character arcs. If you're not arcing, I'm not reading. Characters pull me in, followed by premise. If I'm not cheering or hissing, why bother?

3. Consistency. Oh, I'm awful at this, sometimes. I DO blame my ADHD for this one. Sometimes I forget eye or hair color, especially with multiple characters. Descriptions I've used. That's why I use OneNote and often copy pictures that resemble my characters.

4. If you introduced it in book one, you better explain it by the end. Loose ends are bullshit. This is also another one I struggle with, occasionally.

5. Closing. All. The. Doors. Unless you've decided for a spin-off of some sort. Readers need closure. I need closure.

Sure I've mentioned it before, but I used to write chronologically. Since the house fire of 2006, I write whatever scene pops for me. Sometimes, it is straight up linear. But never the whole book.

I wrote down "tie-ins" that I needed to cover before wrapping this big bad book up. There are 17.

😬 

Is this awful? Not even close. I have about half of the book to write to finish. And a lot of these items happen in the last half of the book. But it's a daunting list when you're eyeballing it daily. 

What we have is me finally immersing myself back into the story and not playing with all the shiny new things, like my older books which need revising. 

I'm back in the game. 🥳

Preemptive something

What should I be doing RIGHT NOW?

Working on "Canary": Out of the Shadows".

What AM I doing?

heh 😬

I'm under the weather. Sound like a seal barking when I try to talk. It's awesome. Lungs and throat are little bitches.

But I also know that I need to incorporate the elements I listed on OOS into said story. Cool beans. The coolest of beans. Hippest beans around.

I'm...not feeling it.

Hoping that changes. sigh

I have most of the day to do this!

But I digress.

This is about FOOD. ALL THE DAMN FOOD.

When I am in a writing flow/tear/manic stage, I will eat everything but the kitchen sink. It's like I'm expending energy, LOTS of mental energy, and my body demands to be compensated.

I'm not out here saluting the sun like Denise Austin or kicking the shit out of my back-up people doing Tae-Bo. (I see you, Billy.) I'm not roller-skating, hoola-hooping, or jump roping. 

I'm sitting at my damn desk with my little engine that could trying to break the sound barrier.

But man. I need snacks. I've gone in the kitchen, found absolutely nothing (thank you hindsight and foresight) and settled for eating things I don't even want. Because I require sustenance.

I'm not sure what part of my weirdness this comes from, and I don't have the time or wherewithal at this juncture to examine self. 

I'm sick, remember?

But damn it! I picked up a box of jalapeno poppers, potato skins, and taquitos this morning.

Carbs and grease. 

I couldn't be more excited.

Ate my healthy breakfast, and now we wait.

For:

inspiration

all the words

a storm that knocks out all electronics (checks the sky)

SOMETHING

And when my wee brain is shriveled up like a snail that found sodium, I'm going to reward that cerebellum with one, or all, of the above. 🥳

On a completely unrelated note, I hate hair on my neck. I've only now figured out that when I put up a ponytail/bun, I can make sure the end of it is facing north, not south. 

"Special" doesn't even begin to cover it.

Writing in Oklahoma, hopefully, sans hair on neck. 😄

EDIT: Forget mentioning the Sun Chips. It's a little after noon. They gone.

Out and about

I've three, possibly four, more book appearances this year. I usually cut off after August because nearly all the bdays, both babies and gbabies, occur in the latter part of the year. All my babies born in October. Three of my four granddaughters in September. Anniversary in October. 

It's...a lot.

But when opportunities arise, I'd be foolish not to jump on them.

Foolish, I'm not.

I will, possibly, be at the 2025 Authors Festival in Lawton from 8-11, October 11th. TBD

I will be at the Spicy Book Festival in Waukomis from 2-6, October 18th.

I will be at Social Capital in OKC 5-9, November 1st.

I will be at the 2025 Oklahoma Authors Showcase in Sulphur 10:30-1:30, November 15th.

I absolutely love meeting new authors and readers. It's one of the best parts of this experience. 

If you can, stop by and see me at one of these locations.

I'd love to meet you!

The boring stuff

I spent four hours or so, yesterday, writing up new blurbs for most of my books. This comes from finally having my rights back to earlier works. 

With that comes: editing, new book covers, and repackaging as a whole. 

Boring as shit.

I enjoy making the new covers and asking opinions from other authors and readers. I love a new perspective. Did I enjoy literally shaking my brain like a maraca yesterday to try and come up with new and catchy descriptions for a dozen or so books?

That's a hearty HELL NO!

Is it done? Indeedt. 

What exciting business is on the agenda today?

1. Worked on book covers. Made progress.

2. Editing "Warrior and the Sparrow" and placing chapter breaks where needed. 

3. Start editing either "What He Wants" or "One Enchanted Evening" or "The Portrait" or...

😑😑😑 

It is...tedious.

My ADHD brain is rattling the cages to do something exciting! Write new scenes. Look up absolutely atrocious things on Google. (I can't remember precisely what I Googled on Friday, but it should have put me on a Watch List. 🤭)

I was on a roll.

All this to say, it's part of it. It can't all be fun and games and finishing books and Googling things that would make a sadist pale.

Nope.

Sometimes, it's sitting down and doing what needs to be done, even if it feels about the same as bamboo shoots under our finger nails.

I want these old, new, stories polished and fresh. Ready to impress. 

If that means I'm sitting at my desk at the ass crack of dawn with red eyes, an attitude, and clothes that should have been burned a decade ago, SO BE IT.  😌

Back to it.

😶

I'm using my planner.

Um...let's say I found another 2025 planner on my book shelves. A pristine planner with a really awesome cover. 😒 That no pen has ever touched. 

You know, in September of said year. 😐

NO ONE needs to make me crazy, folks. I'm more than well-equipped to do it, myself.

Who can deny the siren's song of new planners and notebooks? They beckon to me with gorgeous covers and promises of keeping my life together. And me? I fold like a house of cards, thanks. 😊

I need them all.

*ahem*

Want them all.

I have notebooks that I treasure so much that I've never written in them. Because I love the cover. Or how the pages are formatted inside. Or...any number of minutiae that somehow put me off using these notebooks. There is actually one I want to keep exactly as it is because it inspired a book I want to write.

I love them.

What does my Wish List on Amazon consist of? 

Usually notebooks. 

My wife is completely unamused. 😑

But words are my jam, and I need places to put them. Or...not. Whatever the notebook tells me to do. 

😶😂

But! The light at the end of my ADHD tunnel is this: I USED my big (8 1/2 by 11) planner this year. I wrote down bdays, appts, and notes to myself. I was kind of, almost, really reaching for some organization.

Ironically, I mostly love organization. It points and laughs at me.

And how does it make me feel?

Um, weird, quite honestly. I like it, but it's out of my realm, if that makes sense. 

Like...oh! Look at Future Me. Wrote down appts and dates of things I needed to do.

Present Me: Oh. Holy shit. THIS is how it works...🤔

It's a process, folks.

And for the record, I've already bought my 2026 Planner. 

🥳🎉

Resolutions? Nah...goals.

I suck at resolutions. So I decided to try "goals". I make a list of about 7 or so every year and post by my desk, in my office.

Funny thing being, I have ADHD combined, and I have visual-related issues. In other words, I often ignore things in plain sight due to executive dysfunction and working memory. Or, once it's been there for a bit, I'll gloss right over it. Like I can't even see it.

I posted 7 goals for 2025, CONVINCED it was going to be my year.

This.

Did.

Not.

Happen.

Not remotely. Not semi-remotely. Just...no.

Had a massive bout of depression. Hadn't been that bad in years. Rough start. Lost my precious Simba in May. Still absolutely gutted. 

I didn't want to do anything. And honestly? I didn't have the energy or wherewithal to even BEGIN.

Little me. Lost at sea. 

Turned on to a new medication for depression. 😊 It's a bit different, but it's helping. Also, trying a new mood stabilizer. 

And guess what? My life is overflowing with wonderful things. (My body is still unholy as fuck-all...thanks Fibro. 😒)

I finished "Dream Walker" which I started like a bat out of hell and then let sit for months. I put a new cover on a short story and published that. I usually do three conferences: February and two in August.

This year? I have two more in October and two in November. 

And the best got damn news I've had in a minute?

A previous publisher gave me back ALL MY RIGHTS to those earlier books. I think there's around ten, plus six or so short stories. 💃💃💃

Suddenly, I'm like...holy SHIT! I hit three of the seven goals.

3 OF 7! 💖

(in less than a month)

All my rambling summed up to say: If you're struggling, find help. Do not be quiet. Do not suffer. Depression is a right whore, and I tried so many medications hoping to help with it. They did not. Current med is.

Manifest what you desire. Write that shit down. Believe in it. Believe in yourself. 

No two roads are the same, but there ARE roads. 

And, do what you are meant to be doing. If you can't do it full-time, then squeeze it in when you're able. It'll feed your soul. 💗

The wand chooses the wizard

I thought I'd be picking one of two contemporary romances after editing "Dream Walker" and finishing "Canary: Out of the Shadows."

I thought.  😒

It was a cute thought. Full of intention and parsing out which appealed to me more. 

But guess what??? That, of course, didn't pan out. So what is Crystal doing? Oh. She's working on another fantasy romance. Because the title, two whole words, came to me, and I couldn't get it out of my wee brain.

Then it started unfolding like an origami swan.  

Oh, wait. And I have a rhyme to go with the story I plucked out from one word, "chandelier."

Do I need professional help? WAY ahead of you. Does it interfere with my wonky choosing of titles and soon-to-be books?

Thankfully not.

THIS is my process. Is it maddening? Oh, you betcha. But the chaos works for me. I'm chaotic neutral, by the way. 😄

Never you mind I have characters and notes for both contemporary romances. And all I have for the fantasy romance is a title, rhyme, and premise.

Let's do this shit! 💃💃💃

Designing woman

What other Indie Authors don't tell you is...you are in charge of everything. Emphasis:  EVERYTHING.

My short ass writes the books, designs the covers, markets the books, and everything else in-between. And let's be honest, I am NOT an artist in any way, shape, or form. I remember trying to make an owl in first grade with shapes, and let's just say my furry friend looked like it fell out of its nest. I can't draw a straight line. I can't draw a circle with any degree of accuracy. I simply am not THAT person. I love the hell out of you that are. 

I WANT a Personal Assistant. I WANT someone to handle ads, marketing, and newsletters. Realistically? Now isn't happening. 

Which leaves...me.

I'm proud of the covers I've designed. I've received many compliments on my "Canary" covers. That gave me a boost to subscribe to Canva and act like I know something about it. I may not know dick about design, but I know when something clicks--same as my writing.

I can look at a design and see what works and what doesn't. Placement, font, and colors. And I will mess with it until I get that "click." (I struggle with wanting to put that damn period after the quotations, but I guess now it goes IN? 😒)

I've now designed my book covers, adverts, and signage. I open Canva like a woman with a purpose. I've leaned into it. 

Is there a room in my house which I've had designing plans for years? Why yes. Yes, there is. Will that ever happen? No comment at this time.

But did I make two signs today I absolutely love? Hell yes, I did. 

I'll take my wins where I can get them.

Authors, I'm here to say you CAN do it. By your damn self. All of it. Is it overwhelming? Of course it fucking is. But is it doable??? Of course it fucking is. Have faith in yourself and that drive that makes you put pen to paper or fingertips to keyboard.

YOU. CAN. DO. IT. 

(Will not be posting the Rob Schneider gif. but you get the picture.) 😉

Psychological Thriller

For my lovely readers who aren't into romance, I offer up this psychological thriller:

Dream Walker

Available Winter 2025.

******************

Rissa Clay is a dream walker. She enters and controls dreams. Weaponized as a child and kept from the outside world, Rissa kills her nocturnal “targets” to stay alive. Rissa, shaped into a ruthless serial killer, escapes, and vows to make her handlers pay for years of abuse.

Sweet dreams.

Mornings can bite me

My new time to wake up is 4am. I was not consulted about this completely indecent hour. It simply...happened. 😑

I've never liked waking up early. I've done it out of necessity. No one is happy in Whoville this morning.

On the other hand, I've a list of things to do today, and I may as well start before the sun even rises. 

Blog

Switch "Captivation" to Kindle Unlimited. (Can I do that? We shall see.)

Write on "Canary: Out of the Shadows"

Figure out which Contemporary Romance I'm working on next

Finally clean out my bags from the last two author events

Various and sundry other matters

Write down upcoming author events in sacred calendar

Figure out titles to take for upcoming author events

As you can see, it's not for lack of items to-do. It's for complete lack of ambition in this ungodly morning.

Maybe this is my new normal? 😱

Perish the thought.

And pass me a Pepsi.

Comings and goings

Absolutely had the BEST time at "Book Me Romance" 2025! Chatted with readers and other authors, ate some phenomenal quesatacos from Birrieria Le Jefa, and sold some books. 🥳🎉

I've already signed up for next year. I'll have new and improved SPARKLY bags and at least two new titles! 😊💖

I'll finish "Canary: Out of the Shadows" before the end of the year, which will complete my "Canary" trilogy. I'm going to miss Ray. She's damaged to hell and back. Literally. But that woman has my heart and soul. May have to do more with the series or cameo her in other books. I can't say goodbye yet!

I started writing a psychological thriller early early this year. Plowed through about 40k words and then hit my depression roadblock. I'd like to finish that.

Also, there are at least two contemporary romance I need to write. I'm leaning more toward one than the other, but I want to finish at least one within a year. 

Busy with the blessed gbabies over the summer (the heathens...for you in the know). Now I have medical appts every Tuesday and Thursday for a month and then Thursdays. I still have therapy and appts with my mental med doc. The only days that look fairly clean are Saturday-Monday.

Puts more pressure on me, but hopefully, that's a kick in the butt--not the teeth. 

Packing...for "Book Me Romance"

I have no idea how "normal" people do anything.

Me? I make out several lists, duplicating much, and like to get my shit together in a panic. You know, like real people. 

Doing a final book count today for what I'm taking. Need to print and laminate. Pack the car. Pack my suitcase.

Feel the unraveling of my planning at warp speed. ZIP ZOT ZOOM

I have three appointments today. And what good luck they coincide on the day before I take my trip. 😶

Baha...ha.

Oil change this morning. Hair this afternoon. Therapy mid-afternoon.

I think we all can see these are necessary but time-consuming.

Also put in a WM order, but I'm not picking that up until tomorrow morning. Which, in case you wondered, was NOT the best planning because I need my chocolate-covered pretzels...STAT!

And planning for one night is crazy but necessary. I'll pack everything, and it'll take me at least a week to unpack. I like to wait until I actually NEED something before I remove it from the suitcase. Because why do everything at once?

Who ARE you people???  😂

Then my wonderful brain cycles through the "Did I forget something?" portion of the show. Like this is life or death, and if I don't bring black sharpies, scissors, and tape...my world will end.

Thanks to my neurodivergent brain...that's exactly what it feels like. 

And I've put this off until the last minute so I'm actually using a list of things I need from an OLD list. 

Don't judge me.

I'm too busy judging myself.

But wait!

Then it will be time for the book event. And I will release endorphins and soothe my itchy brain for most of the day. I'll have the opportunity to network/meet new authors, greet my old friends, and mingle with readers from all over.

I will PEOPLE so much! 🥳

Then I'll crawl home, hug my bed, and start writing on what I have in queue. It's a rollercoaster ride of ups and downs that comes with being an author. 

We live for these events.

Some of us a bit closer to the edge than others. 😑

Book Me Romance Author Event 2025

I'm on the road again!

Please join me this Saturday, August 16th, in Ft. Smith Arkansas. 😊

It'll be my second year attending Book Me Romance, and it's always a good time!

Come meet wonderful authors and rub elbows with other devoted readers. 

Reality check

It's easy to be wrapped up in my head and forget certain things. I live in my head quite a bit, as it is. But it's nice to have a reminder that I'm actually living my dream.

Red Dirt Romance Book Event was an event for the ages. OKRWG simply puts on one of the best book conferences of the year, and it continues to grow.

I listened to Jill Monroe and Gena Showalter give a presentation about characters. I heard agents speak on the ins and outs of submitting and accepting book offers. I listened to authors talk about their journeys and remind me of why I started.

And the book signing?

I love all of you. From those who simply wanted a signature to those who bought three of the five titles I offered. Every minute I spent talking to readers and other authors is nearly sacred. These are my people. Will always be my people. And I'm so incredibly grateful for every experience allowing me to connect like this did.

I leave you with these two pictures from a wonderful reader, Amber. (I remember her well, as that is my sister's name.) This is her book haul, and you'll see my Contemporary Romance title, "Over Her Head." That is wonderful enough. But look at the company my book is keeping.

It's rubbing spines with authors like Candice Gilmer, Avery Kingston, Lauren Smith, and yes...!!! 🥳

...THE Gena Showalter.

Forever grateful for the readers and opportunities. 😌

It's 8:30 am, and I'm already eating chocolate

I love book conferences. There is, however, that eternal nagging feeling I'm missing something in my packing frenzy.

Books? Cart to transport? Laminated sheets with prices and info? Business cards? Tape? Scissors? Sharpies? 

???

I'll be signing books today from 2-5 at the Red Dirt Romance Book Event. I love chatting with readers and fellow authors. There is literally nothing that comes close to being around likeminded people who love to chat about the written/spoken word.

I attended sessions yesterday, and it always fires me up to hear authors talk about their journey and experiences. 

However, the seats are unforgiving, and I'm almost paralyzed today. I even turned the seats around so I could lean into them-forward.

My spine is pissed.

Thank you, Fibro, you whore.

I'm skipping the morning sessions because doing 5 hours at my table will probably be all I can handle, at this point. Honestly? It'll probably damn near kill me. Going to bring a lumbar pillow to see if that helps.

Hope your Saturday is a good one.

Wish me well!

Slowly but surely

The other day I Googled how to clean blood off of steel. I'm not remotely ALL the way back, but it was a first step.

I see other writers zipping ahead with upcoming releases, and I'm happy for them. Because that feeling is AH-mazing. I haven't finished anything this year.

Yet.

Stings a bit, yeah. 

Okay...more like I whacked a wasp nest and am standing at ground zero. 

It's hard to come to terms with limits. But this year has felt like hitting a wall every time I turn around. And it's a right bitch.

Physically? My body is a shitshow. Fibro flares. My right arm? Oooooooo....she is not nice. Daily. Nerve zaps from here to there. Yada.

Mentally? Have I MENTIONED we're playing with mood stabilizers and ADHD meds? Which has spun me into a depression I heretofore have not felt in years? HAVE I? 😶

Sure I have. 😬

But life continues. I'm still supposed to roll out of bed and live my life as though everything is honky-dory. Because masking works for other people. It's cool to be depressed as fuck as long as I don't rain on anyone's parade. As long as I laugh when I'm supposed to and pretend I'm not dying inside. 

Been there. Done that. 

I'm clawing my way back. I think, MAYBE, the new mood stabilizer might be working. I start the full dosage Wednesday, and I hope I can turn a little corner. A baby corner, if you will. 

And maybe I can find my Muse again. I used to kid Simba was my Muse, as his little furry ass kept me company in my office. But all I have are his ashes now, and that's a kick in the balls on the daily. 

Rough year, innit?

Red Dirt Romance Book Event

Red Dirt Romance Book Event

I'll be here with half-price books on two or three titles. Cleaning out inventory to make room for more! 💖

RDR Book Event is an 18+ romance book signing event that takes place the last day of the RomanceLahoma conferene.

Where: Embassy Suites by Hilton Downtown Medical Center

When: August 2nd

Time: 2-5pm, Registration Required, No walk-ins

Six steps for the perfect burnout

Turning the traction control off! ...

Putting in first gear, left foot on the clutch. ...

Roaring the engine and putting enough pressure on the throttle, so the tachometer hits around 3000 to 3500 RPM.

Releasing the clutch which gets the tires spinning.

Pushing the break immediately!

*****************************************

Not to brag, but I only needed like three steps. 

And I'm spinning my wheels right now over 10,000 rpm and going nowhere, so be jelly. 😌

Writing ideas, and continuations, come in fits and starts, but I feel paralyzed. 

Simba's loss is an open wound. Briefly thought about opening up to another feline. Promptly shut that down. Way too soon. Way way too soon.

My Executive Dysfunction is Top Tier. 

Body Flares? Oh, they are star-spangled, let me tell you. My chronic pain starts at a 5, daily. It's been popping at a 8/9 for around a week or so. Makes me ponder, once again, about pain management. But I fear that once I'm in, I'm literally never out. Scares the shit out of me. But I can't take this daily. It hurts to everything. 😠😖

I did decide, in the abyss of trying to find an app to help me...(we often reach for odd things when we're sinking)...to try "Finch." Let me know if you also are on this interesting bird app, we can be featherheads together!

WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!

I may also suck at this and leave my wee pink Strawberry hatched and homeless. 😬

But we all hope not. 😑

And this country???

OH

MY

FUCK

😡😭

You know.

That's me. Bothered. Unmoisturized. Swerving from lane to lane. Burnt right the fuck up and out.

With TWO Book Conferences in August!

Good news there being I think I'm going to half price three of my titles.

😄😘

Back to dust moting...

Why am I like this?

You'll never guess what happened last night as I was trying to drift off to sleep. Never ever. Never. 

*ahem*

ANOTHER book idea. 😒

Dear. Lordt.

Good news? My creativity has decided to make a guest appearance.

Bad news? Um...I already have at least three projects...*snort* AT LEAST...to work on.

But am I completely enamored with this idea? Fuck yes, of course I am. 😑

Great premise. Awesome characters. 💃💃💃🖕

The timing is exquisite, right? With all this free time and nothing else to do. 😶😂

So here I am this morning. Sitting at my desk. Fans on high because Oklahoma is trying to bake me. Brain actually firing on the creative side. Water at the ready. And...unsure of what to do.

Start on ANOTHER effing book??? Because I know I could easily bang out at least 4,000 words on it today?

Or work on "Out of the Shadows" which may or may not work out, depending on if I can get in the groove on it or not? 

This some bullshit.

Wish me luck. Just going to throw myself in a trench and see where I land.

Did I mention I have TWO book conferences in August???

I'm a hazard to myself.

*******

No ducks here

People are all about the saying...having their ducks in a row. 

That's cool. For them.

I have no ducks. There are no ducks here. If I had ducks, I would be petting them and oh-so-unconcerned about them lining up in a row.

And little known fact, I DID have a duck once. He was a mallard. Named him Drake. 🦆 Oh, but he was a sweet boy. Got him as a wee duckling. He was being picked on by the chickens. Took his little ass home and loved on him. And ducks are so soft and sweet...NOT Muskovy ducks...he was a treasure. They have the softest little place on the underside of their beaks that is pure silk. Their wings are smooth and glossy. There's a gland on their little duck ass they use to rub on their wings to help them float. Some oily something or other. Then to watch them dive and eat in pools. Head all down. Ass in air. 😁  

What were we talking about???

Ah, yes. My non-existent ducks.

I've been struggling. And I quite hate it. I've a new med doc, and they're messing with my meds because of my new ADHD med. It's creating chaos that I neither want nor need. My body's in an uproar, and I'm completely not a fan. 

My creativity...my LIFELINE...is nowhere to be found right now. It's a slow death, to be honest. I can't focus when I'm in pain, and right now, my body is trying it's best to play Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture, cannons and all.

Let's be honest, the best I do, on the daily, is to try and manage the PTSD, GAD, depression, and ADHD. You don't ever get one over on them. You simply try and juggle the best with what you've got. And while I truly want to work on "Out of the Shadows" and my newest Contemporary Romance AND my Paranormal Thriller...I don't have the fucking wherewithal to do so at this moment.

I have two conferences in August. Ya girl is feeling somewhat defeated at this point. 😞 

I would honestly kill for some ducks right now. 

quack quack

The call is coming from inside the house

When I'm in the writing flow, I can easily pop out between 4000-6000 words a day. It feels seamless. The words are coming to me effortlessly, and I am in authorly ecstasy. But when my world is not going well, everything is affected. Simba's passing was a heart punch I'm still dealing with daily. My body is flaring like it thinks it's the best thing to do. And my brain? That heifer feels like she's split into a million little pieces right now.

Focus? Biggest joke ever.

Usually, at this point, I would start the self-defeating talk. Asking myself why in the holy hell I can't just pick myself up by my boot straps and carry the fuck on. This is the talk I would always give myself when everything would be too much. And I'd pick myself up, weary as fuck-all, and continue. 

I mean, really? What the hell was wrong with me, anyway?

ADHD.

Not an excuse. But a verified, late in life. diagnosis. Why can't I pay attention? Why am I bored easily? Why am I easily distracted? Why do I zone out when I should be doing something? 

I'm NOT a weak-ass bitch. 😤 (Thank you, trauma, you fucker.)

My brain was made this way, and I'm just now taking meds that can help alter these patterns. Is it still frustrating?

BEYOND

so so beyond...

But I'm working on being a bit nicer and more understanding to myself and not such a force of unforgiving nature.

I once had a boss tell me that if I expected everyone to work to my standard, I'd never be able to work with anyone. How right she was.

I have two conferences in August, and I need to finished Canary: Out of the Shadows. I'm watching my oldest granddaughter Monday-Friday, and life is still popping. Will I make it? Jury is out. But the bottom line?

I need to calm down.

Crystal*

Exhales...

...a little.

Feel like I've been surrounded by bad juju for a long minute. Still trying to find my feet as I'm off-balance. Not my favorite position, in the slightest.

Still dealing with the loss of Simba daily. And oh, but it stings like a son of a bitch. I've put his little box of ashes back on the day bed behind me on the blanket he used to lay on. It, at least, feels a bit familiar. 💔

I've not been writing because I can't find focus with the Webb Space Telescope at this point. It evades me. I wake with eyes sore and already done with the day I haven't yet started. My thoughts here, there, and wherever but anywhere they are supposed to be. Thought the new ADHD med may help with that. So far? Not really, kids.

I've a running headache. It keeps me company. The little bastard switches to either side of my head and behind my eyes. It's on the side of my right eye at this moment. 

But still?

Life is better. It's getting there slowly. I'm thinking about the books. Always my intro to get back to them. Thinking about Ray and her multiple dilemmas. Serena and how she fits into Ray's cracks. Nessa and Cody. Lacey. Dale. John. I DO love my characters...

The other world has always saved me, you know. From a young age, I would immerse myself in the stories as opposed to what was happening in the real world. 

I still do.

Crystal*

OKC Thunder wins 2025 NBA Championship

Bet.

You heard it here first.

Literally.

You guessed it. I'm on one.

Series tied 3-3. NBA analysts verbally fellating Joker and panning J Dub. 

I'm so sick of this shit.

First of all, let's cut to it. 

NO ONE, as far as analysts and NBA elite, wants OKC to win a championship. We're still "too young" and "too inexperienced".

fuck you

That shit played out last year. 

None of you can stomach us, let alone stand us...thanks Em. 😙

We have EARNED this mfing spot, you elitist shits. That goes for you keyboard players who would shit yourself if Lu or Chet came up on you, and YOU KNOW IT. We didn't get here by chance. It's called talent, you remorseless fucks. And we have heart. You don't LIKE the fact we're kicking ass and kicking teams down? Sucks for you.

We're going to keep doing it.

Over and over and over again.

Nuggets on Sunday to eliminate and then the Timberwolves in the series to win the CHAMPIONSHIP. Because that's how we motherfucking DO.

Shai will be MVP because that's how he DO.

@stephenasmith You're running around looking like a cartoon character on acid verbally jerking the Joker off and trash-talking the Thunder. For years, dude. Years. Sing another song. Your shit is old as you are.

@shaq If you had to say a nice thing about the Thunder, I think it would physically PAIN you. For real?

It was worse when it was KD, Russ, and the Beard. Exponentially. But 9 and 10 years later? Y'all still coming with your tired old bullshit while we're on the come up. 

What's going to happen when when we hold that trophy high? A bunch of mumbling and more weak ass shit? Or finally the recognition this team deserves?

Handle this shit.

Crystal*

Simba

 Lost my feline son of 14 years Saturday.

Going to be radio silence for a bit. 💔

Why the villain?

I speak in fiction, of course. There's the cute little saying about how you should pick a villain over a hero because a hero would pick the masses while a villain would pick you and let the world burn.

Romantic, isn't it?

Is it?

Women are both simple and complex creatures. But we are each different to such a degree that a partner cannot carbon copy their behavior from one relationship to the next. Even if their type is sporty. That could mean fishing, kayaking, climbing a mountain, running, biking, etc. 

We come in different flavors.

But yet...throw a bad boy in front of us, and we are on board.

And he doesn't have to look a certain way. Because this "villain" is all about the confidence. The arrogance. Oh. He can do what he says he can do? 😳 Yes, please.

But let me back it up a second. 

Let's take my favorite sociopath, Sherlock Holmes, specifically--Benedict's version. A sociopath lacks empathy for others. Sociopaths now have "Antisocial Personality Disorder" which rather spells out the issue. They must have lifelong treatment to adjust behavior and reduce the risks of harm to those around them. Sherlock is grey area. He IS anti-hero. He's the drug-addicted, risk-addicted genius who steps on those around him without a second thought. But the magnetism is unholy.

Nonetheless, Sherlock is not the "villain" I refer.

A fictional villain doesn't belong on a psychological spectrum, in my opinion. These villains aren't true sociopaths nor psychopaths. If they were...there would BE no redemption unless chemical interference or something of the sort. They simply COULD NOT CHANGE. The Joker, being a great example.

A fictional villain, the kind a reader flocks to, is damaged. They may be armored, but there are cracks in that armor which have been tended to and reinforced. Nice was two decades back. Nice didn't work. Kind was for idiots. Only power. Only cruelty. Only madness prevails. 

The villain, no matter the gender, buried that piece of humanity deep inside the armor. They actually told themselves they've purged it. But the tiniest bit of their soul clutched it tightly. Held it deep.

And that's the part, dear readers, we connect with.   

Executive Dysfunction

Putting the "fun" in ADHD.

"Executive dysfunction" is a term used to describe faults or weaknesses in the cognitive process that organizes thoughts and activities, prioritizes tasks, manages time efficiently, and makes decisions.

Executive function skills are used to establish structures and strategies for managing projects and to determine the actions required to move each project forward.

In other words, let's say I have an appt at one o'clock. I am up at nine. Eat breakfast. Shower. Get dressed. I am worthless until said appt. I will do absolutely nothing until the appt because I am frozen until then. I literally an UNABLE to do anything else but wait for that appt. 

I have no idea why.

Science. 

I didn't know there was a term for this bullshit.

Surprise! There so is.

This is also the term for my short ass needing to write but unable to do so. I will alphabetize my tchotchkes before I open a Word document. *pulls out hair in author*

The frustration level, right now, is nearly at crying jag point. It's not simply "writer's block". No. This is some next-level cognitive fucked-up shit.

Now.

I've consulted with my mental med doc. We're going to start me on some ADHD meds, but they are CONTROLLED because Hey! Of course they fucking are. And she's not a "doctor" but a practitioner, so I must attend a fifteen minute meeting in three weeks, from a "doctor" warning me of the addictive nature of the med I want to try for this brain fuck.

Never mind the fact I took myself off Oxycodone after the hip surgery because I hated it, and I've gone cold turkey off Tramadol and Percocet because my prescribing PCP passed away. (She prescribed pain meds for my fibro. Good woman.)

ANYWAY...I feel like I'm spinning wheels with the barest of tread, and I'm fucking so over it, I could probably write a book about THAT.

 

Deep breath now that I've vented my spleen. WOOSAHHHHHHH