Self-doubt

I am my own cheerleader.  I am also my family's cheerleader.  I believe everybody should have someone who cheers them on no matter what.  Being the matriarchal maven of Clan Inman, that be me.  And I will never let me children, gbabies, or future ggbabies believe they don't have what it takes.

I raised myself a great deal of the time so I learned to be my own cheerleader.  But it took me many years to figure that out.  Now, it's second nature.  Most times, I'll do it in a humorous way.  "Let's do this, bitches!"  Knowing I am, indeed, bitches.  😂 Or muttering the Bob the Builder catchphrase paraphrased..."Can we do it?"  You bet your balls we can.  😁  It eases the pressure a bit while giving me a bit of an oomph to continue.

But self-doubt?  She's a wily fucking cow.  I'm not a regular on Twitter though I really enjoy a handful of accounts.  But it seems as though every time I hop on Twitter, I see a feed full of people who are being asked to send fulls on their first queries, and they found their dream agents on THEIR FIRST BOOKS.

Not going to lie.  I'm this meme right here.  

Oh.  Did you?  That's so wonderful.  For you.  And your first book.  Wow.  😐

Then begins the litany in my grey matter of:  "What have I done wrong?" "What part of my story is unpalatable?"  "Should I stop trying to find an agent?"  "Maybe I'll never be what they want."  

ON AND ON AND ON AND ON

And I have to shut that voice down because it won't fade away.  Oh no, friends.  It'll grow louder and louder until I can't hear anything else, and I can't let that happen.  I won't let that happen.  At book talks, I tell the audience, "Good books find a home."  And I mean that.  I wouldn't say it if I didn't.  

I'll shake myself off.  Take a few deep breaths.  Dive back in.  Because I have so many stories in me, and I'm not going to let a few stumbles along the way completely derail me.  Rah rah, Crystal.  RAH RAH

Always writing*