Email subscriptions

Once upon an AOL, I had three emails I divided into work, personal, and entertainment. Yes. Three AOL email accounts. Of course, I also had dial-up. You youngsters Google that. I am, indeed, older than the Internet. ✌

I wasn't strict about any of the accounts but xxxxxxxwriter. That's always been the one closest to my heart and the one given to friends and family. But if I saw a website that I liked for merchandise or clothing, I would send it to my more generic email so I wouldn't be slogging through advertisements on my personal/professional emails.

Times changed. The Internet exploded. I don't mean literally, but I did live through Y2K. 😁 

I had a Hotmail email. Yahoo email. Gmail email. At one point in time, I believe I had seven emails, and they all served a purpose. Crazy, huh? 

I hear one ding on my phone now, and I have a look of horror and disgust on my face usually saved for Simba's vomit and people who ignore our "No Soliciting" sign.

I digress.

I subscribed to all sorts of things that held my interest. Everybody had folders. It was AHmazing. Then shit got a bit crazy. Every one wanted an email. Doctors. Stores. Vets. Gas stations. HOA. Restaurants. Dry cleaners. 

EVERY. FUCKING. BODY.

I'm still reeling from the aftermath and treading ever-so-lightly through the email wilderness. I'll admit to being overwhelmed when I open my email, and there are emails from addresses I don't recognize.

C'mon. 

Then I have to take a bit of time to "unsubscribe" which, for some, means pushing that button, going to another screen, giving a reason (does it fucking matter???), sometimes putting your email in AGAIN, clicking another button, and hoping it does the trick. But wait! Even though they subscribed your ass in three-tenths of a second, it'll take three weeks to unsubscribe you---which translates into you probably doing what you just did AGAIN because you won't remember doing it the first time. 😑 

Email subscriptions I have but don't need:

OREO--Jesus wept. I cannot buy these for the hacienda. They are like crack. But sure, send me emails filled with pictures and taunt me.

AMAZON--Yes. I need to know I placed an order. And when the packing crew fondled it. And when the driver put it on the truck. And when it shifted to the left on the truck. And how many hours until it arrives. And where John is in relation to my address. And I want a picture of my front door, damn it!

THERAPY APPTS--Five days out. YOU HAVE AN APPT. Yep. I made it. It's in my calendar. Four days out. DON'T FORGET YOU HAVE AN APPT. Um, okay. Once again...I did the legwork for this. Three days out. YOUR APPT IS IN THREE DAYS. DO NOT FORGET. Fucking hell. Now I'm having nightmares I'm going to forget. Two days out. YOUR APPT IS TOMORROW. Really??? One day out. YOUR APPT IS TOMORROW. DO NOT BE LATE. I can now talk about how much anxiety I have. 😐

Nextdoor--I kick myself for having this one. First of all, the wife gets put in Nextdoor jail on rotation, I swear. But I'm not a big fan of some out of left field opinionated bullshit some yahoo felt like keyboard warrioring that day. This is for safe neighborhoods and recommendations. I don't give five fucks that you bought panties at WM that ride up on the right side, and they wouldn't take them back. No, ma'am. Buh-bye.

But...what if? What if I NEED to buy special Oreos for an occasion? And they offer 10% off through email? What if I forget my therapy appt because the week has been some hairy shit, and I've lost track of days? What if Amazon delivers my package to another address?

Yeah. Sigh.

Maybe I do need them.

Or at least that's what I tell myself when I open my email in the morning and immediately begin the opening and deleting/unsubscribing portion of my day, and these make the cut.

Always writing*

...except when I'm bitching about my emails...