The call is coming from inside the house

When I'm in the writing flow, I can easily pop out between 4000-6000 words a day. It feels seamless. The words are coming to me effortlessly, and I am in authorly ecstasy. But when my world is not going well, everything is affected. Simba's passing was a heart punch I'm still dealing with daily. My body is flaring like it thinks it's the best thing to do. And my brain? That heifer feels like she's split into a million little pieces right now.

Focus? Biggest joke ever.

Usually, at this point, I would start the self-defeating talk. Asking myself why in the holy hell I can't just pick myself up by my boot straps and carry the fuck on. This is the talk I would always give myself when everything would be too much. And I'd pick myself up, weary as fuck-all, and continue. 

I mean, really? What the hell was wrong with me, anyway?

ADHD.

Not an excuse. But a verified, late in life. diagnosis. Why can't I pay attention? Why am I bored easily? Why am I easily distracted? Why do I zone out when I should be doing something? 

I'm NOT a weak-ass bitch. 😤 (Thank you, trauma, you fucker.)

My brain was made this way, and I'm just now taking meds that can help alter these patterns. Is it still frustrating?

BEYOND

so so beyond...

But I'm working on being a bit nicer and more understanding to myself and not such a force of unforgiving nature.

I once had a boss tell me that if I expected everyone to work to my standard, I'd never be able to work with anyone. How right she was.

I have two conferences in August, and I need to finished Canary: Out of the Shadows. I'm watching my oldest granddaughter Monday-Friday, and life is still popping. Will I make it? Jury is out. But the bottom line?

I need to calm down.

Crystal*

Exhales...

...a little.

Feel like I've been surrounded by bad juju for a long minute. Still trying to find my feet as I'm off-balance. Not my favorite position, in the slightest.

Still dealing with the loss of Simba daily. And oh, but it stings like a son of a bitch. I've put his little box of ashes back on the day bed behind me on the blanket he used to lay on. It, at least, feels a bit familiar. 💔

I've not been writing because I can't find focus with the Webb Space Telescope at this point. It evades me. I wake with eyes sore and already done with the day I haven't yet started. My thoughts here, there, and wherever but anywhere they are supposed to be. Thought the new ADHD med may help with that. So far? Not really, kids.

I've a running headache. It keeps me company. The little bastard switches to either side of my head and behind my eyes. It's on the side of my right eye at this moment. 

But still?

Life is better. It's getting there slowly. I'm thinking about the books. Always my intro to get back to them. Thinking about Ray and her multiple dilemmas. Serena and how she fits into Ray's cracks. Nessa and Cody. Lacey. Dale. John. I DO love my characters...

The other world has always saved me, you know. From a young age, I would immerse myself in the stories as opposed to what was happening in the real world. 

I still do.

Crystal*

OKC Thunder wins 2025 NBA Championship

Bet.

You heard it here first.

Literally.

You guessed it. I'm on one.

Series tied 3-3. NBA analysts verbally fellating Joker and panning J Dub. 

I'm so sick of this shit.

First of all, let's cut to it. 

NO ONE, as far as analysts and NBA elite, wants OKC to win a championship. We're still "too young" and "too inexperienced".

fuck you

That shit played out last year. 

None of you can stomach us, let alone stand us...thanks Em. 😙

We have EARNED this mfing spot, you elitist shits. That goes for you keyboard players who would shit yourself if Lu or Chet came up on you, and YOU KNOW IT. We didn't get here by chance. It's called talent, you remorseless fucks. And we have heart. You don't LIKE the fact we're kicking ass and kicking teams down? Sucks for you.

We're going to keep doing it.

Over and over and over again.

Nuggets on Sunday to eliminate and then the Timberwolves in the series to win the CHAMPIONSHIP. Because that's how we motherfucking DO.

Shai will be MVP because that's how he DO.

@stephenasmith You're running around looking like a cartoon character on acid verbally jerking the Joker off and trash-talking the Thunder. For years, dude. Years. Sing another song. Your shit is old as you are.

@shaq If you had to say a nice thing about the Thunder, I think it would physically PAIN you. For real?

It was worse when it was KD, Russ, and the Beard. Exponentially. But 9 and 10 years later? Y'all still coming with your tired old bullshit while we're on the come up. 

What's going to happen when when we hold that trophy high? A bunch of mumbling and more weak ass shit? Or finally the recognition this team deserves?

Handle this shit.

Crystal*

Simba

 Lost my feline son of 14 years Saturday.

Going to be radio silence for a bit. 💔