Executive Dysfunction

Putting the "fun" in ADHD.

"Executive dysfunction" is a term used to describe faults or weaknesses in the cognitive process that organizes thoughts and activities, prioritizes tasks, manages time efficiently, and makes decisions.

Executive function skills are used to establish structures and strategies for managing projects and to determine the actions required to move each project forward.

In other words, let's say I have an appt at one o'clock. I am up at nine. Eat breakfast. Shower. Get dressed. I am worthless until said appt. I will do absolutely nothing until the appt because I am frozen until then. I literally an UNABLE to do anything else but wait for that appt. 

I have no idea why.

Science. 

I didn't know there was a term for this bullshit.

Surprise! There so is.

This is also the term for my short ass needing to write but unable to do so. I will alphabetize my tchotchkes before I open a Word document. *pulls out hair in author*

The frustration level, right now, is nearly at crying jag point. It's not simply "writer's block". No. This is some next-level cognitive fucked-up shit.

Now.

I've consulted with my mental med doc. We're going to start me on some ADHD meds, but they are CONTROLLED because Hey! Of course they fucking are. And she's not a "doctor" but a practitioner, so I must attend a fifteen minute meeting in three weeks, from a "doctor" warning me of the addictive nature of the med I want to try for this brain fuck.

Never mind the fact I took myself off Oxycodone after the hip surgery because I hated it, and I've gone cold turkey off Tramadol and Percocet because my prescribing PCP passed away. (She prescribed pain meds for my fibro. Good woman.)

ANYWAY...I feel like I'm spinning wheels with the barest of tread, and I'm fucking so over it, I could probably write a book about THAT.

 

Deep breath now that I've vented my spleen. WOOSAHHHHHHH

7-year anniversary

This has been one of those months where every day feels like a month in its own.  And we're only halfway through.

BUT...today is my 7th wedding anniversary!  WOOT!  We celebrated yesterday, but today is the real deal.  Been together thirteen, but wed seven.

Lunch with two former co-workers tomorrow.  Thursday will be a rough day.  Friday will be errands and chores.  Monday, my baby child goes in for gallbladder surgery.  That Friday is my oldest baby's birthday.  October is always busy.   

It's only supposed to reach a high of 62 today.  Oh my goodness!  I'm all about it.  Ready for fall weather and not sweating my ass off.  

About to open up Canary2:  DD and poke about.  Still have queries floating back in for Chimera.  This writing business is not for sissies.  Not even remotely.  😔  But I march on. 💃💃💃

Okay, my dears.  I'm back at it.  No matter what.  Have a wonderful Monday, if there is such a thing.  

Always writing*

Canary 2: DD

Queries for Canary-sent.  Working on Canary 2: DD.  Started September 1st.  Currently at 12,751 words.  Skipping about, but that's fine.  We go with whatever works.  Mercenary Girl is not doing well.  Her arc is concave and not convex.  

I would like some encouragement.  Feel like I'm paddling uphill with weights around my arms most days.  Me=busting my ass.  Party of one.  Is that whiny?  I don't think so.  People are continually told to suck it up.  No complaining.  Deal with it.  That's incredibly unhealthy.  So I'm throwing it out into the universe:  I need some encouragement!!!  🥳

Outside day tomorrow.  Working on the lawn and whatnot.  I'll get out early since Oklahoma is still hot as hell and trying to set record temps.  😒  The audacity.

Guess I'll get back to my smoothie and writing.

Have a Monday.  😐 That's all I got.

Always writing*

And some days, we struggle.

It's been an off-week.  Doc appt eight yesterday morning.  Fasting lab.  Then drove to have lunch with a friend who is having a serious operation next Tuesday.  It was a three-hour lunch.  She needed to be able to talk, and I was more than happy to listen.  The Honey has been teleworking since her knees are being even worse than usual.  Replacements are scheduled.  The waiting is pure hell.

I'm out-of-sorts.  I don't do well with that.  Bad headaches the past three days.  That's the stress letting me know it's present and accounted for.  

I know some of it is my all or nothing mentality.  I spent Monday-Wednesday querying.  Literally 9-5.  Exhausting but obviously worth it.  I've been working on Canary 2 in bits and pieces as this week has not been temporaly kind.

Tomorrow is:  grocery shopping, laundry, dishes, trash, cleaning.  😑

Maybe I'll get my groove back Sunday.

Maybe.

Always writing*

...even in fits and starts