ADHD has s wonderful thing called "waiting mode" where we focus on a later event and trigger our anxiety and executive dysfunction to fill the time until later event.
I am in the gnarly throes of this bullshit right now.
Have "Socially Booked" this evening. Event runs 6-9. We set up at 4:45. I want to be there at 4:15 to grab a good parking spot and perhaps a bite. Then book in a shower. Loading the car. Figuring out what in the hell I'm wearing. And I'm...spent. 😒 At not even 9 in the morning.
I've already packed my cart with books. Cleaned out my car sufficiently to pack said books. I've done what I can, in other words.
Now, we can be pensive the rest of the day.
Anxiety doesn't help, I have to admit. But being able to name this whole "waiting mode" bullshit is nice compared to me wondering, all the time, why I'm such a temporal idiot.
Am I excited? So much. Am I anxious as hell? So much.
Then, there's my talk at Bethany Library next Saturday. That's a work in progress. But when my mind isn't filled with tonight, it's filled with my library talk. Literally every moment of the day. What I want to say. How I want to say it. Topics to cover.
I think I might give myself another ulcer. 😬
My therapist assures me there can be good stress. I concur, but I can't tell which is which. 😑
It's all stress. Labels are unnecessary.
sigh
That's my post for today. Whining about an event I'm excited but incredibly stressed about. Whining about an event NEXT Saturday where I take center stage and instruct others.
Maybe I'll just copy and past this post next Friday. 🤔
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