I'm using my planner.

Um...let's say I found another 2025 planner on my book shelves. A pristine planner with a really awesome cover. 😒 That no pen has ever touched. 

You know, in September of said year. 😐

NO ONE needs to make me crazy, folks. I'm more than well-equipped to do it, myself.

Who can deny the siren's song of new planners and notebooks? They beckon to me with gorgeous covers and promises of keeping my life together. And me? I fold like a house of cards, thanks. 😊

I need them all.

*ahem*

Want them all.

I have notebooks that I treasure so much that I've never written in them. Because I love the cover. Or how the pages are formatted inside. Or...any number of minutiae that somehow put me off using these notebooks. There is actually one I want to keep exactly as it is because it inspired a book I want to write.

I love them.

What does my Wish List on Amazon consist of? 

Usually notebooks. 

My wife is completely unamused. 😑

But words are my jam, and I need places to put them. Or...not. Whatever the notebook tells me to do. 

😶😂

But! The light at the end of my ADHD tunnel is this: I USED my big (8 1/2 by 11) planner this year. I wrote down bdays, appts, and notes to myself. I was kind of, almost, really reaching for some organization.

Ironically, I mostly love organization. It points and laughs at me.

And how does it make me feel?

Um, weird, quite honestly. I like it, but it's out of my realm, if that makes sense. 

Like...oh! Look at Future Me. Wrote down appts and dates of things I needed to do.

Present Me: Oh. Holy shit. THIS is how it works...🤔

It's a process, folks.

And for the record, I've already bought my 2026 Planner. 

🥳🎉

Resolutions? Nah...goals.

I suck at resolutions. So I decided to try "goals". I make a list of about 7 or so every year and post by my desk, in my office.

Funny thing being, I have ADHD combined, and I have visual-related issues. In other words, I often ignore things in plain sight due to executive dysfunction and working memory. Or, once it's been there for a bit, I'll gloss right over it. Like I can't even see it.

I posted 7 goals for 2025, CONVINCED it was going to be my year.

This.

Did.

Not.

Happen.

Not remotely. Not semi-remotely. Just...no.

Had a massive bout of depression. Hadn't been that bad in years. Rough start. Lost my precious Simba in May. Still absolutely gutted. 

I didn't want to do anything. And honestly? I didn't have the energy or wherewithal to even BEGIN.

Little me. Lost at sea. 

Turned on to a new medication for depression. 😊 It's a bit different, but it's helping. Also, trying a new mood stabilizer. 

And guess what? My life is overflowing with wonderful things. (My body is still unholy as fuck-all...thanks Fibro. 😒)

I finished "Dream Walker" which I started like a bat out of hell and then let sit for months. I put a new cover on a short story and published that. I usually do three conferences: February and two in August.

This year? I have two more in October and two in November. 

And the best got damn news I've had in a minute?

A previous publisher gave me back ALL MY RIGHTS to those earlier books. I think there's around ten, plus six or so short stories. 💃💃💃

Suddenly, I'm like...holy SHIT! I hit three of the seven goals.

3 OF 7! 💖

(in less than a month)

All my rambling summed up to say: If you're struggling, find help. Do not be quiet. Do not suffer. Depression is a right whore, and I tried so many medications hoping to help with it. They did not. Current med is.

Manifest what you desire. Write that shit down. Believe in it. Believe in yourself. 

No two roads are the same, but there ARE roads. 

And, do what you are meant to be doing. If you can't do it full-time, then squeeze it in when you're able. It'll feed your soul. 💗

The wand chooses the wizard

I thought I'd be picking one of two contemporary romances after editing "Dream Walker" and finishing "Canary: Out of the Shadows."

I thought.  😒

It was a cute thought. Full of intention and parsing out which appealed to me more. 

But guess what??? That, of course, didn't pan out. So what is Crystal doing? Oh. She's working on another fantasy romance. Because the title, two whole words, came to me, and I couldn't get it out of my wee brain.

Then it started unfolding like an origami swan.  

Oh, wait. And I have a rhyme to go with the story I plucked out from one word, "chandelier."

Do I need professional help? WAY ahead of you. Does it interfere with my wonky choosing of titles and soon-to-be books?

Thankfully not.

THIS is my process. Is it maddening? Oh, you betcha. But the chaos works for me. I'm chaotic neutral, by the way. 😄

Never you mind I have characters and notes for both contemporary romances. And all I have for the fantasy romance is a title, rhyme, and premise.

Let's do this shit! 💃💃💃

Designing woman

What other Indie Authors don't tell you is...you are in charge of everything. Emphasis:  EVERYTHING.

My short ass writes the books, designs the covers, markets the books, and everything else in-between. And let's be honest, I am NOT an artist in any way, shape, or form. I remember trying to make an owl in first grade with shapes, and let's just say my furry friend looked like it fell out of its nest. I can't draw a straight line. I can't draw a circle with any degree of accuracy. I simply am not THAT person. I love the hell out of you that are. 

I WANT a Personal Assistant. I WANT someone to handle ads, marketing, and newsletters. Realistically? Now isn't happening. 

Which leaves...me.

I'm proud of the covers I've designed. I've received many compliments on my "Canary" covers. That gave me a boost to subscribe to Canva and act like I know something about it. I may not know dick about design, but I know when something clicks--same as my writing.

I can look at a design and see what works and what doesn't. Placement, font, and colors. And I will mess with it until I get that "click." (I struggle with wanting to put that damn period after the quotations, but I guess now it goes IN? 😒)

I've now designed my book covers, adverts, and signage. I open Canva like a woman with a purpose. I've leaned into it. 

Is there a room in my house which I've had designing plans for years? Why yes. Yes, there is. Will that ever happen? No comment at this time.

But did I make two signs today I absolutely love? Hell yes, I did. 

I'll take my wins where I can get them.

Authors, I'm here to say you CAN do it. By your damn self. All of it. Is it overwhelming? Of course it fucking is. But is it doable??? Of course it fucking is. Have faith in yourself and that drive that makes you put pen to paper or fingertips to keyboard.

YOU. CAN. DO. IT. 

(Will not be posting the Rob Schneider gif. but you get the picture.) 😉

Psychological Thriller

For my lovely readers who aren't into romance, I offer up this psychological thriller:

Dream Walker

Available Winter 2025.

******************

Rissa Clay is a dream walker. She enters and controls dreams. Weaponized as a child and kept from the outside world, Rissa kills her nocturnal “targets” to stay alive. Rissa, shaped into a ruthless serial killer, escapes, and vows to make her handlers pay for years of abuse.

Sweet dreams.

Mornings can bite me

My new time to wake up is 4am. I was not consulted about this completely indecent hour. It simply...happened. 😑

I've never liked waking up early. I've done it out of necessity. No one is happy in Whoville this morning.

On the other hand, I've a list of things to do today, and I may as well start before the sun even rises. 

Blog

Switch "Captivation" to Kindle Unlimited. (Can I do that? We shall see.)

Write on "Canary: Out of the Shadows"

Figure out which Contemporary Romance I'm working on next

Finally clean out my bags from the last two author events

Various and sundry other matters

Write down upcoming author events in sacred calendar

Figure out titles to take for upcoming author events

As you can see, it's not for lack of items to-do. It's for complete lack of ambition in this ungodly morning.

Maybe this is my new normal? 😱

Perish the thought.

And pass me a Pepsi.

Comings and goings

Absolutely had the BEST time at "Book Me Romance" 2025! Chatted with readers and other authors, ate some phenomenal quesatacos from Birrieria Le Jefa, and sold some books. 🥳🎉

I've already signed up for next year. I'll have new and improved SPARKLY bags and at least two new titles! 😊💖

I'll finish "Canary: Out of the Shadows" before the end of the year, which will complete my "Canary" trilogy. I'm going to miss Ray. She's damaged to hell and back. Literally. But that woman has my heart and soul. May have to do more with the series or cameo her in other books. I can't say goodbye yet!

I started writing a psychological thriller early early this year. Plowed through about 40k words and then hit my depression roadblock. I'd like to finish that.

Also, there are at least two contemporary romance I need to write. I'm leaning more toward one than the other, but I want to finish at least one within a year. 

Busy with the blessed gbabies over the summer (the heathens...for you in the know). Now I have medical appts every Tuesday and Thursday for a month and then Thursdays. I still have therapy and appts with my mental med doc. The only days that look fairly clean are Saturday-Monday.

Puts more pressure on me, but hopefully, that's a kick in the butt--not the teeth.