Pop goes the...shoulder

I've stated it all before. Chronic pain...ya ya ya. I could tell you each part, what type of pain, and how long it lasts...if it ever stops. But I don't do that. I simply go on about my day. Cool beans.

But let me tell you what the fuck happened yesterday evening.

I finished using the restroom and turned to walk away from the toilet and wash my hands.

POP!

I froze in place. Shit sounded like a bone disconnecting from my body. It echoed in the bathroom. I immediately grab my right shoulder with my left hand. Profanity ensued. Creative profanity, at that.

Then I washed my hands and toddled off to the living room to my rocker recliner.

Let me tell you about this new shoulder issue. The pain is exquisite. Sharp. Intense. Radiates from my shoulder, down my bicep, to my elbow. I cannot move without being beat shitless by the pain fairy. Even with no movement, the pain is a deep ache. I am incredibly displeased.

I just turned to go wash my hands!

Doesn't this bullshit only happen to old people??? 

Oh. Wait. 🤫

More fun is that my right arm has been in a flare for weeks. Now, my muscles and nerves are having one hell of a pain party where I am, unfortunately, the guest of honor. I hate both you guys. 🤬

Of course, I'm Googling the shit out of it. The Honey thinks maybe rotator cuff or labral tear. Because why the fuck not???

Apparently..."a shoulder pop may be a natural occurrence in some people." I would like this to be me. I don't believe it is.

So. Guess I'll go to the damn doctor and deal with this crap. Have them take a look. 

And, because I want it both ways---I want them to be able to see the issue. I want them to tell me just to ice it and take it easy.

Part of me wants to skip the "doc" part completely and see what happens now. 😁 

Updates. Maybe. 

sigh

What's on the books (ha ha) today?

Putting the finishing touches on my talk at the Bethany Public Library about Outlining/Plotting/Organizing Chaotic Thoughts. Typical me to bang everything out in a day and then need to go back and blend all the business together.

Have PowerPoint and notes. Heaven knows I'll need the notes. 

I could freestyle, but I don't think the world is ready.

Throwing together a gift basket for the event and always SUPER excited about that part! And meeting new people. It's filled with anxiety for me, and I'm sure my stomach will launch its usual protest, up to and including me basically starving myself until after the presentation so I don't have to leave in the middle. 😑

My body is a wonderland.

I'll throw the final final touches in on Friday and be ready by tomorrow evening.

I need to make a list.

Ooooooo...list. That will, hopefully, make sure I don't forget anything pertinent. Doesn't help my memory resembles that of a goldfish.

Where were we???

Ah, yes. 

Not going anywhere today so it's book talk Saturday and working on "Canary: Out of the Shadows."

Let me simply say...I'm a fun girl.

SO fun.

I've stated before that there is a battle both above and below ground. I plotted out the below ground battle. Thought I could simply wing through the above battle, and I nearly slapped myself.

Really, girl? REALLY???

And that's what's popping today!

🥳

Busy much?

Let's all be clear and upfront about this. I don't mind steady goings-on in my life. I try to balance when I can and cope with the rest.

Being busier than shit and forgetting things as well?

Son...

List of things to do today:

Pick up meds

Mail a book

Drop off a library book

Email a bookstore about consignments

Email about two general tickets I can give away to Book Me Romance in mid-August 2026.

Talked to a lovely woman about sending my books for a reader's retreat

Put together a gift basket for the talk I'm giving Saturday 10-12 at the Bethany Public Library.

I don't want to take my pajamas off. I sure as hell don't want to dress myself. 😭

But I, as I usually do, try and finish what I need to start.

I go to the bathroom and have the worst thought. Did I unpack my car after Saturday night's book event?

No. The fuck I did not. Beat my head on the nearest wall. Are you KIDDING??? A chair. My cart. Totes that go in said cart. 

Jesus wept.

Crystal thought about it.

Finally wheel that shit in and change clothes.

I hate clothes. 

A necessary evil.

Cheated and put on a tube top bra instead of a "real" one. heh

I still need to:

Put together that gift basket. (I DID order some stuff for attendees off Amazon.)

Unpack my damn book cart of horrors sometime this week.

Fine-tune my PowerPoint for Saturday. Go over my notes and blend.

Finish Canary: Out of the Shadows because for the love of GOD.

Mail books to reader's retreat lady.

Get ready for next Saturday and a reading at a book event at the Sapulpa Public Library. 🥳

Med appt tomorrow

Groceries Thursday???

Hair Friday

I'm tired, Boss. 😫

Perhaps a bit of a rest after Thanksgiving?

We're expecting like...14. 😶

This is usually why I don't schedule anything after September.

But I've had the BEST time with fellow authors and readers.

Man...sometimes you stretch yourself to see-through for love.

💖

Dream big, Chaos Cow

Let me tell you. I dream big. And why not? It hurts nothing and gives me something to strive towards.

I'm sitting at my desk yesterday, making up my 2026 writing goals, trying to ignore the fact I'm in "waiting mode", and I decide to up my game.

Ya girl occasionally has game.

I put "finish 3 book titles" for 2025.

I upped that to 5 in 2026. 🤭

Do I entertain myself?

Oh...daily.

As I'm sitting at my table last night, I start doing math. Wait. There are only 12 months in a year, Crystal. Am I going to bust out a book every 2 1/2 months? 🤯

Seriously?

Then, I thought...why the fuck not? Why can't I? I'm fully capable of writing a book in that amount of time. But the issue is DOING IT!

What if I don't feel good that day? What if I have something come up? What if? What if? What if?

*shrug*

Life...lifes.

I've no control over it.

But I have a bit of control over myself.

Just the tiniest amount. 😂

The goal stays. 

Are the other goals as outrageous?

eh

Pretty much.

But that's why there ARE goals. 

And when I reach them...it makes it all worth while.

Now.

Pardon me, while I stress on my talk this coming Saturday at the Bethany Public Library and straighten my shit to sound like an actual functioning adult. ✌

No. I don't have anything better to do AKA stressing about something happening ten hours later.

ADHD has s wonderful thing called "waiting mode" where we focus on a later event and trigger our anxiety and executive dysfunction to fill the time until later event.

I am in the gnarly throes of this bullshit right now.

Have "Socially Booked" this evening. Event runs 6-9. We set up at 4:45. I want to be there at 4:15 to grab a good parking spot and perhaps a bite. Then book in a shower. Loading the car. Figuring out what in the hell I'm wearing. And I'm...spent. 😒 At not even 9 in the morning.

I've already packed my cart with books. Cleaned out my car sufficiently to pack said books. I've done what I can, in other words.

Now, we can be pensive the rest of the day.

Anxiety doesn't help, I have to admit. But being able to name this whole "waiting mode" bullshit is nice compared to me wondering, all the time, why I'm such a temporal idiot.

Am I excited? So much. Am I anxious as hell? So much. 

Then, there's my talk at Bethany Library next Saturday. That's a work in progress. But when my mind isn't filled with tonight, it's filled with my library talk. Literally every moment of the day. What I want to say. How I want to say it. Topics to cover. 

I think I might give myself another ulcer. 😬

My therapist assures me there can be good stress. I concur, but I can't tell which is which. 😑

It's all stress. Labels are unnecessary. 

sigh

That's my post for today. Whining about an event I'm excited but incredibly stressed about. Whining about an event NEXT Saturday where I take center stage and instruct others. 

Maybe I'll just copy and past this post next Friday. 🤔

Canary: Out of the Shadows

I'm one big scene from the end. 🥳

And when I say this, I don't mean I have a major part of the book to finish, I mean I have one semi-major fight scene.

The real action already typed out in five segments and complete. The ending? Complete. 

Don't get me wrong. It isn't going to be pretty. There will be mayhem and carnage. But...once I get in the groove, it'll unfold like a movie scene.

Writing, in the moment, has its pros and cons. MANY authors outline or plot to the nth degree. I am surely not one of them. Once again, kudos to you damn put-together people. 

Funnily enough, I DID do a sketch outline for the big battle scene in Hell.

Could I be clearer than mud, please?

Sure.

I have two pages: battle above and battle below.

The battle below must unfold in a certain way so that it flows and domino-effects the next scene. Order and consequence are everything here.

I couldn't simply fumble through with meetings and scenes which didn't make sense, or God forbid, type this shit out of order. 

I needed: sequence-consequence sequence-consequence sequence-consequence.

I have TEN of them.

It's the culmination of everything in the previous books up to and completing in the third. You never leave that shit up to chance. 

It's simply too precise and important.

The battle above? I've set up the players. I've written the aftermath. I simply need to dive into the guts of it. Shake some intestines. Kick some bowels. You know, typical writer fare. 😂

I have these next three days with zero appointments. THANK GOODNESS!

Hoping to knock out this scene and continue on with edits. 

But the end? 

Oh, that heifer is in sight!

I need my own theme song...and a personal assistant

The theme song would be great when I have no idea what the fuck is happening in my life and need music to cue me in. 😬

Jaws theme? Splendid. 

Imperial March? Cool.

All Star? Yeah...that tracks.

Looney Tunes theme song? Here we go again...

Little Girl Gone? Strap yaself in, because I am coming to fuck it up.

Eighties hair bands? I need NOSTALGIA!!! Stat!

And a personal assistant?

Oh. My. God.

This is one of my goals for next year. Sales are up, and I want to build on that. Live events create the most revenue, and I simply don't have enough spoons to zip around. 

There are events I've looked at which seem great, but they simply aren't feasible. I don't have it in me to haul my cookies and my books from venue to venue, even with my stubborn ass giving myself a pep talk.

I would like a personal assistant to travel with me. Handle putting together a street team. Keep my professional socials up-to-date. I need someone who understands my chaotic madness (does this person exist? 🤔). Well, or a nice facsimile. 😉 

That's me today.

Gorgeous rainy day in Oklahoma with temps that won't take my skin off.

Come to me, sixties as high, COME TO ME! 🍂💖

I'll take some of that rain, too.