Canary: Out of the Shadows COMPLETE

It has finally happened.

I FINISHED writing "Canary: Out of the Shadows". 😌

Let me recap for you.

Started writing and thought I'd bang that son of a gun out by summer.

Spiraled into horrible depression from March-September.

Tried to find my feet again.

Tried new depression med. 

I can actually see daylight.

Wrote a major scene at the end--a battle, of course.

Thought I'd simply squeeze the other battle out of my butt cheeks.

No battle fell out of my ass.

Berated myself, daily, on my shortcomings.

Then it became a THING. You know what I'm talking about. Larger-than-life problem.

Told myself to write the story.

Researched the villains in the battle more.

Winnowed the number down to manageable.

More research.

Tried to write battle longhand.

Beat my own forehead with the composition book.

PROFANITY.

Blogged about writing the battle. Repeatedly.

Sat down in front of my computer yesterday. 

Pounded out that battle above ground scene with intent.

Glanced at same scene this morning.

The offering has been accepted.

Going to stitch chapters and scenes together today. 

Around 74,500 words. 

Yeah. I feel EXACTLY like Frodo. 🙄

I WROTE THE FUCKING SCENE!!!

Sweet Lord.

It has finally happened.

Your heathen child wrote the fucking scene that's been a thorn in her side for months!!!

And I laughed.

And cried.

Whew

I have one, literally, tiny piece at the end. Then EDITS!

Fun Google searches for the day:

How long is the average sword?

What kind of socks would an assassin want?

Let me see a bear's paw. And not the damn succulent, you noob.

Sword forged in forest.

Thread count

Etsy

Amazon

And there we have it. Or mostly have it.

🥳🎉

Anybody already double-book themselves in 2026? No? Just me???

Plugging in appts in my 2026 planner and noticed I'm double-booked on at least two days. 🙄

Because...me.

Still hanging onto this stupid-ass cold from Thanksgiving. I mean, come the fuck on. Taking enough antihistamines to take down a herd of elephants. Probably why I rolled into bed yesterday at 3:30. PM.

Sitting at my desk now, determined to work on "Out of the Shadows", even if someone has to perish. I am NOT above that, at this point. 

Almost tempted to do a clean sweep, but that's lazy and unnecessary. Also, I would never recover from the trauma.

Not to wish the year away, but it's been one. Trying to find even footing, but my body is a shitshow deluxe, and I am not a patient woman. Funny that. Like...I can have patience. Sure. Cool. But when I am triggered?

Oh. My. Fuck.

Hell hath no fury...

And SSDD? Nope.

None for me, thanks.

Oh, and since my brain is a rambling organ, I now have another idea for a story. Because, OF COURSE I DO. I don't tap-dance on the precipice of insanity for nothing, I tell you. 😁

*tappity tap*

Is it January yet?

Never mind. 😑

I already have 11 appts. 

Finding my bootstraps. Giving them a tug.

Your Chaos Cow is back.

I've had appt after appt this week, and I'm damn tired of it. News on the shoulder? AC sprain. Have some ibuprofen+ and physical therapy sheets.

Thank you, LORDT, it was not any worse. 

Does it still hurt?

Oh. Yeah. Like a bad toothache in my right arm.

woot

But that's neither here nor there. Though, it could be here. But definitely not there. More present tense. heh

I'm going to attempt to lock in my last battle for "Out of the Shadows." Emphasis on "attempt" because I am completely over this fucking scene. 

It's going to be massive. My short crazy ass did NOT see that coming, although I should have. 

No.

Literally.

And now I've added four (five?) different baddie entities to enter the ring, and I'm choreographing it in my brain, but it's never the same way twice, which is why I'm simply typing it up and examining from there.

Also, you'll remember my Sweet Simba, the kitty I love with all my soul, passed away a day before Mother's Day this year. I mourn that little ginger shit every damn day.

But I'm working on maybe finding another place in my heart for another heathen ginger boy. I've asked Sim for help. He should have a say in picking his younger brother.

Been manifesting since September. Hoping for an adoption around early-mid February.

In the meantime, I've been making cooing noises at all my ginger kitten algorithm finds on FB Reels. 

💕

Therapy this morning. Feels like forever since we chatted.

Picture of Simba, because...Simba. 💖

I want to have a clever title, but I am fresh out

Fresh out of a lot of things. 

Thanksgiving was good. I DID mess up the mac 'n' cheese. Yeah. Catch that. Overcooked the bastards. 😖

Also caught a cold or something from one or more of the grands. How do I know this? Probably because the last time I was sick, bronchitis and PNEUMONIA, it was directly after a grandchild bday party. Lo and behold, my immunocompromised self loves rolling the dice.

True story? I'd do it all again. 

This year has been...something. January lasted three months. February wasn't much better. End of this year is OctoberNovemberDecember.

Whoa! Pump the brakes. Jesus. Can a girl catch her breath?

haha

No.

This week I have two med appts, an ortho appt (fuck my right shoulder to hell and back), and a therapy appt. 

Oh, and I'm going cold turkey on the Pepsi.

Y'all, pray for Molly.

I'd lost around fifty pounds and gained every damn pound back because of sugar. Well, because I'm a  weak-ass woman with sugary wishes and caffeine dreams.

Either way.

Back on the wagon.

sigh...

Thought I'd throw in the fact I'm driving the struggle bus, trying to fix a flat, and wondering where in the hell that squeaky noise is coming from.

Could be me whining.

I'm beyond frustrated with so much right now.

The chronic pain. The depression. Anxiety. ADHD. Missing Simba. Right shoulder. Insomnia. Fatigue every minute of every day. This BS cold or whatever the hell it is.

I'm a shitshow. We've discussed this. I accept it as my default. Most times, I have a lot of fun with it. Simply shrug my shoulder at something outright Crystaly and move on. Giggle at myself. 

I'm not laughing.

I'm not remotely amused. 

I feel diminished. Like I can't shine properly. 

And, I DO love to shine. 🌞

Maybe I'll receive some lovely news about my shoulder. Or I'll find a day, any day, with energy. Or I'll want to write again without forcing myself. 

Or

Or

I guess we'll all see.

💖

Did I shave my legs for this?

Nope.

Sure didn't. 

Shave my legs, that is. In...😶...a while. Like, they're soft now. Why bother? 🤷

I can't stand to catch sight of them is why. I actually had a dream last night they were much hairier, and this guy looked at my legs and didn't say a word.

This is obviously a ME problem.

Couple things.

I popped something in my right shoulder that is being a temperamental bitch right now. Also, I get dizzy when I lean down in the shower. 

Neither conducive to hair removal.

Also, wait for it, LIFE IS FUCKING LIFIN' right now.

Thanksgiving? Yeah. Less than a week. We're having like a whole basketball team over. 🤯

I've made list upon list and am still stressed to the gills I'm going to royally fuck something up. 😑

There are new med appts around the corner, and I'm anxious about those. 

And writing?

Oh...I fucking WISH.

I've been rolling into bed at six to rest my tired body. It's been a real shitshow of late. My body. A shitshow.

Now.

For some good news.

There is ALWAYS good news.

Hazbin Hotel, Season 2, is on Amazon Prime, and I finished binge-watching it. 😍

ALL five gbabies will be at Thanksgiving. 💖

I did something REALLY REALLY hard for me, and my therapist told me she was proud of me for doing it. 💃💃💃

That's a wrap. 

Making plans is good (for other people).

I'll admit it. Sometimes, in an optimistic moment, I attempt to make plans. I was supposed to be in Sapulpa today for an author's showcase at the library there. 

My arm, newest pain friend, vetoed that. 

I do, however, have an orthopedist referral.

woot

Then, because I discount life and its horrible fucking jokes on the regular, I thought I could finish "Canary: Out of the Shadows" by yesterday.

I only had ONE MORE BIG SCENE to write. Right?

DEEP BREATH

Firstly, I am a dumbass. Four/five weeks ago, it sounded completely doable. That's when I wrote the date in my planner. Life always lifes, folks.

Secondly, I assumed (bad, bad Crystal) that writing said scene would be fairly simple. No. Idiot. It's a hoedown showdown of monumental proportions with over half a dozen beings going at it. I need cinematography in my wee brain. Then I can jot. It will unfold like that for me. 

At least, that's the usual and what I'm REALLY REALLY hoping happens.

Thirdly, this next week? 😑

I pick up my sister from the airport Tuesday. Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday...I have appts. Thursday, I have two. And then I exhale, and it's Thanksgiving.

🤨

Exsqueeze me? Baking powder?

Thank the Lord that it's not THIS WEEK.

I keep thinking that something will slow down. You know, except my body. I am sadly mistaken every damn time.

But after Thanksgiving, I think there will be a slight lull (am I gaslighting myself? I'm gaslighting myself, aren't I???) until Christmas.

Ah, well. It is what it is.

Googlings for today:

orb weaver

Darwin's bark spiders

mythology of the Phoenix

villain origin story of banshees

tendrils of death

brinicle

Nyx's completely scary ass children

Have a good weekend!